The first decision one must making is to decide whether the M/s lifestyle is something for that person. Too often, people try to decide if they want this only after getting involved with another. To me, that seems like trying to decide if one wants to be married by getting married.
Another interesting occurrence takes place after one decides to be part of this lifestyle: there are temptations to leave it. When looking at the percentages, it is only a small fraction of the population that is interested in living this way of life. Typically, one meets someone who is outside the lifestyle and the societal pressures begin once again. Love enters the equation with the individual believing that all is well. Happiness can result by living in a traditional realm.
Unfortunately, many of us have traveled this path multiple times. The realization that comes from going against our natural inclinations tends to be painful. It is a powerful lesson that we are taught. Personally, I left the lifestyle on 2 different occasions believing I had found happiness. Each time the consequences were the same: I was miserable. This individual simply is not cut out for the traditional model.
Remaining true to one’s decision is a rather difficult task at times. There can be periods of loneliness and frustration, especially when one is not involved with another. The solution appears in the form of someone who is genuinely interested although not into the M/s relationship. This act of settling is what starts out inner core screaming. Our natural self resists the new path that we are choosing.
Keep this in mind when the temptation arises to go into a “vanilla” relationship. While it seems on the surface the answer to what ails one, in the end, it only seems to cause more pain.
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I can only agree with what you have said in this post. It is hard for people to understand that the M/s lifestyle is something that must be worked on, not something that is easy to keep going