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Archive for May, 2008

Of late we have referred to some of the expectations that people have when entering a M/s relationship. It seems that many believe this type of relationship is the solution to all their problems. It is common to find a new person who is truly submissive (or dominant) take to this lifestyle immediately. Years of failure in traditional relationships left them with a void. Finding the M/s way of life is like a homecoming to them. They realize where they belong.

However, as we have mentioned on a number of occasions, life does happen. All that others need to deal with arise in our lives. While the M/s foundation affects all areas of our existence, it is not the only area where we operate in. Everyday responsibilities must be attended to. Failure to acknowledge this is setting oneself up for disappointment.

A great deal of what we experience in any situation is directly tied to the expectations we have entering it. What are your expectations with your M/s relationship? Do you believe this is the solution to all your problems? If so, you might want to reconsider that idea. The same problems that one enters into this lifestyle with will still be prevalent after submitting. Life issues continue to exist. This cannot be stressed enough.

Having someone else involved in your life can help you to overcome certain difficulties. By submitting, many of the decisions are taken away from you. This can be a blessing if one is bad at making decisions. Financial circumstances can change since there is someone else helping with the bills. However, just because one submitted does not necessarily mean that all problems go away. To expect this is completely out of touch with reality.

To have a successful M/s relationship, and to avoid future disappointment, it is necessary to enter with a realistic idea of what will happen. This lifestyle does not solve all of one’s problems. It is a way of living which allows us to be true to our nature. We develop a manner of interacting with another which is based in a methodology which works for us. It is understood that the person we are dealing with is human and will make mistakes. We resist the temptation to put him or her on a pedestal.

A M/s relationship can be one of the most fulfilling interactions one ever had. To be successful at it, there is a lot of effort required by both parties. Remember this when you suddenly realize that this lifestyle did not magically solve all your problems. In fact, different problems will arise because you entered this relationship. Accepting that as the reality will better prepare one to handle the unenviable situations when they arise.

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Many think that the M/s relationship is the cure-all for whatever ails them. This really seems to be prevalent among those who’s experience is limited to online interaction. It is vitally important to remember that the M/s relationship is just another of the many relationships which people experience in life. It is a method in which like minded people interact.

Just because someone enters into this arena, it does not mean that life stops. The everyday situations which all people encounter still exists. We are not immune to life problems. There are circumstances which are unenviable that must be dealt with. Submitting to another (or receiving the submission) means that we have reconciled a certain aspect of out lives. Issues such as career, health, and family still must be handled accordingly.

I had a situation which exemplifies how this can occur. My last live in slave left me about a year ago. She was a faithful and dedicated submissive. We were both happy and fulfilled in the relationship. One day, she calls me at work to let me know she just received a phone call from back home. Her son was hospitalized with a serious life threatening condition. (Thankfully he made it through and is fine). The course of action which was evident to both of us. She returned to her hometown up north to tend to her family situation. Because of her ex-husband’s inability to deal with things, she was forced to remain to tend to her son.

As you can imagine, this radically changed our relationship. Looking back, there is absolutely no regret with how things transpired. Her place was tending to her offspring. At the time of her leaving, she was not released since she had the intention of returning. When it became apparent that she would not be, I set her free. I find it extremely difficult to have an online relationship after being 24/7 with someone. As important as the M/s relationship was to each of us, her family was a priority.

This example shows how the M/s relationship is susceptible to all the other life influences. I could have just as easily been her boyfriend, new husband, or some guy that she ran away with. Regardless, her course of action would have been the same. The fact that I was her Master did not alter what her priority was.

I am certain there are some who will question the level of commitment that we had to each other based upon how things worked out. There are some Masters who believe they are the only One who matters. Well, I am a believer that the M/s relationship exists in the larger context of life. Anyone with children has a responsibility to tend to them. For me, getting in the way of a woman acting on her maternal instinct is improper.

Also, the fact that she has not returned might be taken as a lack of commitment. Again, I will not impede her fulfilling a responsibility that existed long before I entered the picture. Time and distance make this relationship at a deep level impractical. With no end in sight to her commitment to her family, it is impossible to plan in the future. The reality is that outside issues affected this relationship.

The lesson here is that life still happens. Many brides (or grooms) feel that getting married will solve all their problems. We know that once the honeymoon ends, life hits. Applying the same logic to the M/s lifestyle will yield the same fruitless results.

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Taking one’s online relationship to the real world can be an exciting step. It is why most entered into the relationship to begin with. However, it is crucial that one take a safe approach to meeting her new Master. The precautions should be the same regardless of how long the interaction has been going on.

The Internet is a great way for people to become something they are not. We have all read the stories about people meeting others in person after an online relationship to meet with horrific consequences. Predators come in all forms. What can start as a wonderful experience can turn quickly. Following some of these suggestions can be helpful.

1. Tell a friend what you are doing: Make sure this person has your name, address, phone number (home and cell), car make/model, and tag number.

2. Let this person know the time and place of your meeting. Again have the name of location, address, phone number, and room number if staying overnight.

3. Provide all details that you have of the person you are meeting. Give name, what site you met on, username, instant messenger handles, and an other information you have. If you have a phone number and address, provide that too.

4. Establish times that you will call during your meeting. Start with 15 minutes, then move to an hour, than a couple of hours. Even if you get into a scene, make sure that you take a break to call your friend.

These are some simple but effective ways to ensure your safety. Mention this to your new Master before you meet. Anyone who is real will not have a problem with you taking these steps. If you do meet with some resistance, that is a warning sign. No matter how terrific someone seems online, taking an unnecessary risk with your safety is not worth it. It is better to err on the side of caution.

Hopefully these ideas will help to make your first in person meeting with your Master happy and joyous.

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We often talk about how many of us take this lifestyle seriously; which we do. The tendency is to look down upon those who enter it as a role playing or fantasy fulfillment game. The majority of people who truly live this are as serious about their choice as married people are about theirs. However, it is remember that we are all here to have fun.

I see many new people get caught up in whether they are pleasing to their Masters or not. While this is important, it must be remembered that it is a moment-by-moment situation. Some things that my slaves do pleases me tremendously. Other things cause me great displeasure. The ups and downs of any relationship always exist.

Most of us have an above average sex drive. This helps to engage in orgasmic activity. We enjoy our sex lives while not apologizing for the means which we go about it. Sex is suppose to be fun and many of us make it more exciting than the average person. Fulfilling fantasies is at the core of a lot of what we do. Of course, the emotional connection to a slave is also expressed through this avenue.

Is sex the only area of fun? In this One’s opinion, it is not. Too often slaves are caught up in what position to assume or what protocol to adhere to when entering a room. For some, the Gorean lifestyle works well. However, this tends to put round-the-clock pressure on both Master and slave. Most take a more relaxed approach to the M/s relationship. The boundaries are just as clear. However, there is room for friendly banter.

We make this lifestyle choice to satisfy an inner calling that is deep within us. While this is an experience by itself, it rarely is something which will carry a relationship long-term. There needs to be more to the relationship than simply the positions each holds. Fun is an important variable for keeping things lively. Stall relationships, in or outside this lifestyle, tend to die when they get stale. Fun is the medicine which prevents this. So take the lifestyle seriously, but remember to enjoy yourselves.

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For many, the M/s lifestyle is one of fantasy. It is true that many of your fantasies can come true. It seems that people who are drawn to this lifestyle are sexually charged people. Also, most tend to have a vivid imagination. This bodes well for those who are seeking their sexual pleasure. However, as those who lived in even one M/s relationship know, sex is only a small part of this way of life. There is so much more to it than that.

However, sexually many find the fulfillment that was lacking. Many slaves that I talked to mentioned wanting to be used in this way for so long. They were in relationships where they were just hoping their man would assert control and take her. The M/s relationship fulfills that void. Nevertheless, on the surface this seems like a dream come true. Yet, in the wrong situation it can turn into an absolute nightmare if one has false expectations.

When one submits, she gives all power to her Master. Her sexual being is now his property. Anything that happens with her sexually is His decision. Are you prepared to do whatever He wants whenever He wants? In a traditional relationship, one can tell her mate, “not tonight dear; I have a headache”. This does not fly in a M/s relationship. A slave is always available to her Master regardless of how she feels. Her role is to pleasure her Master.

Another scenario which often creates trouble for slaves is when a Master wants to share His property. There are some who will want to “pass” the slave around for His friends to enjoy. Is this something that you are willing to engage in. As His property, that is within His right. Also, the reality of having sex with another woman is possible. Your Master is going to use you to satisfy His fantasies. How far are you willing to go? If He wants to see you gangbanged, how will that sit with you? These are some real situations which occur frequently.

The most important aspect of anyone entering this lifestyle is to learn exactly what you might be in for. Each Master is different with His own desires and wants. Communication is vital and many of His fantasies can be revealed in the beginning. Of course, He could always change His mind in the future while wanting something else. Surrendering all you power includes becoming a human sex toy for you Master. The body that you are housed in is now for His satisfaction.

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“I want to find a Master to submit to”. “I am looking for a slave to train and use”. These are the utterances of those seeking to find someone to be with. However, how many really take the time to decide what they want long-term? Judging by the approach that I witness, it becomes obvious that few consider the path they are going to take.

Online interaction takes a completely different look than a real life M/s relationship. That being said, I find the Internet a wonderful way to meet potential slaves and to begin the process of training them. There is a great deal that can be done without being in the same geographic area. I believe that lifting a slave’s esteem is one of the most important aspect of the training. There is a great many ways to accomplish this through the online interaction. Nevertheless, this will never replace the in-person relationship which a Master and slave can have.

When entering these situations, what is the ultimate goal here? For me, the ultimate goal is to end up physically with my slaves. I make this known immediately. Some are taken aback when I ask them if they are willing to relocate to me and in what time frame. This is how I judge how real a person is. Notice how it says willing to. Of course, I will not insist on a slave relocating without getting to know her first. Yet if a slave cannot envision herself ever moving to me, I see no point in any further interaction. The entire situation become an online game in my opinion.

The fact that there is a time element makes it easier to ask this question up front. In the best of situations, it will take 6 months to a year before one is able to relocate to her Master. Few can immediately leave a job while pulling the kids out of school. This is unrealistic. Planning and arrangements need to be made. Of course, the Master and slave can be getting to know each other during this time period. Again, it works because there is a direction the relationship is going. It is noteworthy to mention that there might be times where the couple finds themselves incompatible during this period. If that is the case, nothing was lost. I had this experience after interacting with a slave for a year. Both of us realize it would never work in person so we let it go.

If getting together is not the goal, then what is? Many utilize the online world as a way to prepare themselves for a real M/s relationship. This is an acceptable route to take if this is what one wants. Again, it is not a substitute for being with One in person yet it will expose one to the lifestyle at a much different level than just reading. For some, this is just a sexual deal. In these cases, people uses the M/s arena to fulfill their fantasies. Many would argue this is not a true M/s relationship but that is for another article.

So why are you submitting to this person that you are chatting with? Why are you accepting her as a slave? These are questions which should be answered before entering into any type of relationship. This is equally true for online as off. Are you willing to relocate? How long will you give to interact with this person before you expect to meet? What type of training are you going to give her? Where does she need the greatest help? What type of living arrangements will you strive for? Some forethought can help avoid lots of hassles in the future.

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This is an act that is held in negative view by most of society. It certainly is not th equality that most cultures promote as being something one wants to strive for. Those who are submissive are looked upon as weak. Power and control are qualities which are held as valuable. The successful all have these as their foundation.

Yet when we look a little deeper, it is realized that our society does hold submission with high regard. The difference is that the term is not used. There are two areas where we are told submitting is in our best interest. Between these two, hundreds of millions of people (if not billions) are told to surrender to a Master. Again, they do not use these exact terms yet it is what is really occurring.

The first is religion. Most disciplines teach that one needs to surrender to the “will of God”. It is only by turning our lives over that we can achieve eternal happiness. If we pray each day for what God wants for us, we will lead the life that is of value. Notice the word submit is absent. Yet this is precisely what is being asked. We are to allow something other than ourselves run our lives. It is through the act of surrendering that we find peace and freedom.

Our government is the other area which tells us to put our trust in something other than ourselves. Of course there is no asking for submission. However, we are promised all kinds of things in return for our votes. Each year more people get on the government dole. It is the compassionate thing to do according to our leaders. In doing so, these people are told where to live, what to spend the money on, and when they receive the money. It is when they submit, all will be taken care of for them. Again, submit is not used but we are actually seeing that taking place.

If the two largest entities in the world want to promote submission to them as something one should do, how come it is not acceptable for an individual to submit to another? Consider this fact when you are confronted with those feelings that arise due to your social conditioning. In reality, society wants you to submit, they just want to dictate who you submit to.

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