Archive for June, 2008

It seems many have a misplaced idea about mistakes.  Again this seems to be something where common sense leaves the reservation when dealing with the M/s world.

In any activity, mistakes are the best learning tool.  Often, the best way to become adept at something is to try it and fail.  It is through the failing process that we gain some of the most valuable lessons.  It is a rarity where someone enters a new activity and is proficient at it immediately.  It takes some time to learn what is required.  For example, I am sure Tiger Woods hit a ball or two into the water.  Einstein failed in countless experiments.  Lincol lost numerous elections.  Yet all learned from previous experience to become succesful.

A slave learns a great deal from the mistakes she makes.  This is where she gains valuable insight into how her Master would like her to behave.  There are many ways to learn, but trial and error seems to be a part of humanity.  It is how we best come to understand things.  Therefore, mistakes are not something to be feared.  They are a welcomed part of the growth process.

Many Masters seem to miss this vital point also.  I hear of so many slaves being punished for making a mistake.  While I will grant that repeated failure can be a sign of disobedience, a single error is not necessarily cause for this action.  I believe the most vital aspect of any situation is that the slave learns the lesson contained therein.  It is more important to do that than for a Master to inflict punishment.  A mistake is not one acting bad.  It is an opportunity to learn.

Again, for any of this to be relevant, a Master first needs to mindset to lead His slave in the growth process.  Unfortunately, many seem to want to continually stiffle the slave’s abilities.  It seems to be the only way They feel that control can be maintained.

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Absolute, or Total, Power Exchange is  a fundamental premise in the M/s relationship.  It is the one factor which separates it from other relationships.  We have discussed this a bit in the past.  However, I see many who are still somewhat confused by this concept.

Every relationship has a distribution of power.  It might be based upon position such as an employer-employee relationship.  This is more often termed authority but it is a form of power.   There is also the power distribution based upon the strength of the individual.  Here the person takes control based upon the individual personality.  An example would be in a friendship where one party is a dominating figure.  Nevertheless, rarely do any relationships exist where all power resides with one side.  Yet this is exactly the makeup of the M/s relationship.

It is a common misconception that a Master has total power over the relationship.  The truth is that He has total authority.  Whether He has full power over it or not is dependent upon the type of person He is.  Authority is granted by the position of Master.  Power is ceded initially by the slave.  Again, if the Master is weak or misuses that power, He might lose it.

New Masters can often fall into this situation.  They mistakenly believe that once a slave submits, He will maintain the power forever.  This is true in the beginning but I have seen many lose it due to weakness.  This is fairly common when One is dealing with an experienced slave.  For whatever reason, the Master tries to trick her into believing that He knows what He is doing.  Sadly, He is transparent in His ability.  The power she initially gave Him will quickly be lost.

Being abusive creates the same results.  Anyone who physically, mentally, or emotionally abuses a slave will lose the power granted.  Some Masters want to believe that being a slave equates to weakness.  It does not.  I have seen more than One make this mistake.

There is authority in being a Master.  That is something which comes along with the position.  It is granted by Your slaves and others who You encounter.  However, the power over a slave is something that You need to maintain.  I found the best way to maintain it is to help her to keep growing.  This will keep a slave happily invovlved in her development.  Failure to do so will result in the ending of the relationship.  Even though there was a Total Power Exchange, this lifestyle is consensual.  Many slaves have the mindset that they cannot leave until they are released.  However, they can make One’s life miserable if they desire.  There is nothing worse than a defiant slave.

Remember, relationships, even where all authority and power resides with one individual, are a two-way street. If both parties are not being mutually satisfied, the relationship will end.  I believe this is one of the reasons why most M/s relationships last only a short-time.

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I recently read something on line which peaked my interest.  This particular individual believed that a slave had no limites; not if she was a true slave.  This statement made me stand back and think.  I was perplexed how someone could come to that conclusion.  It made me re-evaluate what I believed on this matter.

Does a true slave have limits?  Her desire is to serve her Master fully.  Along the same lines, her place is to do whatever her Master desires.  Once she submits, her life is no longer her own.  With this reasoning, and up to this point, I can see how the above belief is correct.

However, there seems to be one fact that this individual was missing.  A slaves place is to do whatever her Master desires if she is capable.  This addition changes the situation a great deal.  A slave might not be able to perform certain tasks.  Of course, if it is something that she requires some training, then it might be an activity which she can learn.  Yet, there are certain things that one might not be able to do no matter what her willingness.  A Master needs to be aware of these.

Here are some examples slaves might have a tough time fulfilling if requested: dunking a basketball, performing brain surgery, rebuilding a car engine, solving mathematical equations, or translating an ancient text written in arabic.  Even those her willingness might be complete, there are challenges which might not be overcome.  Simply, the knowledge base isn’t there.

Here is another situation which is more applicable.  Often a Master will ask a slave to perform some sexual activities which she is physically unable to do.  An individual with a back issue comes to mind.  Again, the person might have all the desire to do what her Master wants.  However, physical limitations can exist.  For a Master to push her past this is irresponsible and potentially dangerous.  This is one of those situations where a Master needs to know to pull back.

So, a slave can and will have limitations.  Even thought she exchange all her power, her trust is that her Master will act responsibly.  One of the roles of a Master is to help her uncover her limits, try to push past them, and pull back when she cannot go further.

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It seems that the M/s relationsip is one where the Master is the sole recipient of all the pleasure.  Outsiders are led to believe that slaves are the ones who continually give while receiving nothing in return.  While this is how it appears, it is not the case.  In fact, the M/s relationship is one of the most mutually benficial interactions there is.

Any relationsip which is one sided will not last.  For a M/s relationsip to be successful, both parties need to receive.  This seems odd when one views it with unfamilar eyes.  However, slaves have a deep inner desire to serve.  This is something which gives them great fulfillment when allowed to serve.

Also, there is the inbred human characteristic in which all people enjoy the growth process.  We intuitively want to become more.  Growing is what allows us to do that.  A Master who focuses on the growth of His slave will keep her happy and content.  It is those who overlook this vital part of the process who end up with destroyed relationships.  A slave who is growing is usually one who is fulfilled and content.

Remember how important the happiness of both parties is in any relationship.  This will improve the chances of success.

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The Internet has allowed many to be exposed to the M/s lifestyle.  Years ago, those of us involved found it almost by mistake.  Personally, I first encountered this way of life by dating someone who had been a slave in the past.  She was the one who initially trained me as to how this way of life worked.  This was before the World Wide Web was so prevelant.  Today, many find it thought website geared towards alternative lifestyle.  Any search will yield sites and forums dedicated to this.

With the added popularity, we also see the amount of people being taken advantage of increasing.  As we all know, the Internet allows one to assume a certain online persona which may or may not be accurate.  There are untold stories of people pretending to be something they are not.  These situations mostly end with little harm done.  However, there is the occasional tragedy which captures the national attention.  To avoid having this happen, here are a few suggestions which might help.  I am gearing this towards a slave looking for a Master since they seem to be the most vulneralbe to abuse.

It is best to learn all you can about a person before submitting.  The tendency is to strive for ownership as quickly as possible.  This desire has led many to submit to One who was not worthy nor experienced in the lifestyle.  The online community has made it easy for the pretenders to come in and abuse women.  They create a persona which enlists the trust on a non-knowing one.  Obviously, this will lead to hurt on the part of the slave.

People who regularly view this know how I am a proponent of experience.  What is the experience level of the person you are dealing with?  Ask this question in a straight forward manner.  It is your right to know.  A true Master will openly share His experience.  He will speak from that place, relating the positive and negative aspects of His relationships.

Of course, it is possible for One to mislead you online with His answers.  Another way to get a bearing on the knowledge level of the person you are dealing with is to look at His writings.  Most sites have forums/blogs which allow for members to share their thoughts.  Is the One that you are dealing with posting on there?  Those of us who have experience realize how important it is to get the information out to new people.  For this reason, we tend to share this knowledge with others.

When looking at the posts of an individual, what is the quality of the information.  One who constantly cuts and pastes information from other areas is not showing any experience.  Anyone can do this.  Does He mention the results He received relating to specific topics discussed.  We all have had our share of negative experiences.  Does He share the train wrecks in addition to the successes?  All one-sided is someone to be leery of.

Another suggestion that is helpful is to move into some type of “real” communication in a timely manner.  People in real relationships talk on the phone, share pictures, send emails, or exchange gifts.  The online world is removed from these necessities.  While some might not give out personal information for a while, it is best to start progressing in that direction.  If you are dealing with a true Master, getting a personal email is not out of the question.  Also, I like to converse on the phone with my long distant relationships.  It is a more personal form of communication.

Pictures also assist in helping one to know how real Another is.  Anyone can clip photos of the Web.  Ask fro pictures with family members doing those activities which normal people do.  Many of the digital cameras today will put the time and date on the pics.  This helps to ensure you are not looking at something that is 15 years old.  Again, if I am looking for someone to submit to me, A request for a photo is not unrealistic.

Finally, be wary of those “Masters” who continually are trying to chase you down.  This is a standard move for the pretenders.  They feel the need to initiate the contact.  To them, they believe there are a ton of Masters for them to content with.  In reality, the number of slaves outnumber the masters by a large margin.  The pretenders try to make quick “hits” by finding the “low lying fruit”.  New people are extremely vulnerable to these practices.  So be wary of One who is initiating all the contact.

Hopefully these will help you to distinguish from some of the games people play online.  There are many wonderful people who strike up friendships/relationships in the arena.  However, caution and some smarts are required to protect oneself.  Utilize all the skills you can to decipher what is going on.

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The approach to the M/s world seems to make people do things which they normally would not.  It seems what is commonsense goes out the window when one is seeking to get with a Master.  In the last post, we mentioned how trust is the foundation for all successful M/s relationships.  In fact, it is the basis for all effective relationships.

I often see new people come into this lifestyle like that had no social skills whatsoever.  For whatever reason, they seem to believe that the concepts which were applicable in the traditional world do not apply here.  This is evident in their rapid submission without thought of who they are submitting to.  They really have no idea whether they are compatible with that Master or not.  To them, the idea is to be owned as quickly as they can.  This usually results in the relationship not advancing very far.

So where does one begin to base her trust?  I feel that it is important to determine the experience of the individual who you might submit to.  How long are they involved in the lifestyle.  Also, how many slaves have they owned.  The answers to these questions will let you know what you can expect.  This lifestyle is different from the normal way of life, so much so that experience counts for a lot.  Does this person have the experience that you can trust in?  If so, there is something to begin building on.

Another area to look is at the individual’s willingness to grow.  No one person has all the answers.  Everyday, I learn something new about this lifestyle even after more than a decade.  Masters can always find a better way to do something in their relationship.  It might be regarding leadership, punishments, or psychology.  Anyone who proclaims to have all the answers is usually One to avoid.  Those who are willing to invest the effort to grow themselves are worthy of trust,

Finally, monitor how often this person keeps His word.  The old adage “let your word be your bond” is trus.  If One does what He says He is going to do, that is the basis of generating trust.  Even though there is a total power exchange, the common rules for relationships still exists.  Would you date someone who was a liar or constantly misled you in the vanilla world.  Most likely not.  Well, the same holds true here.  Give your trust to someone who is trustworthy.  People are trustworthy if they do the deeds which breed trust.  Apply this simple test to anyone who you are dealing with.

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I recently got an email from a woman who is a sub.  She is new to the life and is exploring exactly where she fits in.  She mentioned to me that she was always looking to please her partners in all her past relationships (which were traditional).  However, they always felt smothered by her needing to please them.  Nevertheless, after doing a bit of research she concluded that she is definitely a sub(she is not sure yet if she is a slave).  The reason for her inquiry to me is that she was approached by a number of me (online) seeking to Dom her.  What was interesting was that none of these people wanted to take the time to let a relationship develop.

It is important to remember that trust is the foundation of all success M/s relationships.  Without it, the interaction between the two will be guarded.  A truly effective relationship is where both individuals can give without reservation.  Trust is the bridge that allows this to happen.  Unfortunately, it is something that cannot be rushed.  It can only develop through the repeated interaction with each other.  Time is the one factor which will build trust.

People enter into relationships with all kind of experiences.  Most of us have suffered the heartache that comes with dating.  There are relationships which go sour no matter what the intentions are.  After a while, we become guarded in our willingness to freely give ourselve; at least initially.  This seems to be human nature and not particiular to any one type of individual.  We simply become “gunshy” if you will.

Taking the time to get to know a Master or slave will enusre that trust develops.  This can be done both online and in person.  Even in those situations where I have an online relationship, I like to speak with her on the phone.  There is a connection which comes from hearing someone’s voice.  Of course, as the relationship develops, we move closer together.  This is a result of each of us trusting the other.

So how does it start?  I have found that the experience and willingness of the other is vital.  If one is dealing with a Master, what is His experience in the lifestyle.  Those who were around a while with the background in owning slaves will garner trust easier than One who is inexpereinced.  Also, if One has the willingness to learn, this can compensate for a lot.  The same goes when dealing with a slave.  Experience and willingness are the two areas where trust can be built up.  Of course, the basic values of honesty, integrity, and keeping your word equally impact the amount of trust one receives.

Monitor how quickly you are trusting someone when entering into a M/s relationship.  Utilize the same tools which led to success in relationships in other areas of your life.  This is a basic building block in the effectiveness of your relationship.  To discount it will have negative consequences.

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