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Archive for August 27th, 2008

31 Things You Learn From Watching Porn

1. Women wear high heels to bed.

2. Men are never impotent. No matter their age.

3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.

4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.

5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.

6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly middle-aged men.

7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blow job.

8. Women always orgasm when men do.

9. A blow job will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.

10. All women are noisy fucks.

11. People in the 70’s couldn’t fuck unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.

12. Those tits are real.

13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman’s butt.

14. Men always groan ‘OH YEAH’ when they cum.

15. If there is two of them they ‘high five’ each other. (and the girl isn’t disgusted!)

16. Double penetration makes women smile.

17. Asian men don’t exist.

18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes the boyfriend won’t bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend’s mouth.

19. There’s a plot.

20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the ass.

21. Nurses suck patients cocks.

22. Men always pull out.

23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she’ll only be momentarily pissed off before fucking both of you.

24. Women never have headaches.

25. When a woman is sucking a man’s cock, it’s important for him to remind her to ‘suck it’

26. Assholes are clean.

27. A man ejaculating on a woman’s butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.

28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man’s pants and find a cock there.

29. Men don’t have to beg.

30. When standing during a blow job, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman’s head and the other proudly on his hip.

31. Pigtails = handlebars

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Cartoon Dungeon

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There is so much confusion regarding the BDSM world.  Many believe that what they see in videos and pictures on the net is reality.  Sadly, it is not.  The truth is that people who are involved in BDSM are more “normal” than people are usually led to believe.  A day in the life of a Master/Dom and slave/sub is not as exotic as some would think.

Life happens to all of us.  There are bills to be paid, kids to be tended to, and responsibilities to be met.  Choosing this lifestyle, even for an author in it such as myself, does not mean that I can turn my back on the other areas of life.  This is true for many of us in the lifestyle.  Certainly, there are some who are in a position to partake in this full time.  However, I would say they are the minority.

The pictures on the Internet make it seem so simple: the idea of being in complete bondage while being whipped or suspended is intoxicating.  Once again, this is not quite reality.  First, often those in the pictures are professional actors.  There is a cast of people who are experienced in creating a safe environment for the scene to occur.  Also, most do not have the financial resources for all the accessories used in those images.  To fully stock a “dungeon” easily runs into many thousands of dollars.  This is something that is normally outside one’s capability.  Finally, if you thought hiding your “toys” from the children is tough, try hiding an entire room.  Once again, if kids are around, they tend to be those life issues which can arise.

So how do we approach this in a realistic manner?  It starts with understanding that what is “romanced” about in stories and pictures on the web is most likely an exaggeration of reality.  It is similar to how a love affair is portrayed in the movies.  Who the heck ever lives happily ever after without conflict?  I can’t even go a week without arguing with myself, let alone someone else.  The same is true in our lifestyle.  It is not accurately protrayed by those who put forth the imagery.

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