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When we look at BDSM and some of the things it can stand for, we mention wax play, spankings, bondage, oral sex and sex in general to name just a few parts of it. As I am a Master I tend to look at things from a Masters point of view and while most of what I say is relevant for both Masters and Mistresses there are obviously one basic differences, one is Male and one is Female, that said as far as the BDSM world is that is the only real difference.

When we talk of bondage, this is something that can be applied to both male and female subs and slaves, the same as nipple clamps can be used on both, and tying tits on a female slave may be something you find exciting, for a Mistress tying and binding a cock or balls can have the same desired effect.
The same is true for wax play, it is something that has no gender, it is a universal play that can be enjoyed by all involved regardless of the gender or dynamic of the relationship. In fact when looked at properly there are very few things enjoyed in the BDSM lifestyle that is gender specific,

With that said there seems to be just one thing that ALL in BDSM agree on, this is a lifestyle and it is something that is not a one size fits all life, it is something that each tailor to suit their needs and desires, that is why it is a growing lifestyle, its main aim is to enjoy and have fun with it

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Floating candle
Image via Wikipedia

I have posted about wax play before but have decided to add more to it, as it is one of the most erotic forms of sensual play I have known.

The basics of wax play are relatively simple, a candle ( I have found the cheap white ones best for a number of reasons, mainly as they burn cooler and are unperfumed so less chance of an allergic reaction to them ) and a body, simple really. There are a few tips I can give you, making sure the part of the body you are going to play with is relatively hair free makes the cleaning up easier, if that is not possible, a little petroleum jelly helps when applied before hand. You can add to the play by running an ice cube over the skin either before or after the wax, this gives both a hot and cold sensation to the slave and heightens the sensitivity of the skin.

The main thing with wax play is safety and enjoyment, be aware of what you are doing at all times, listen to your sub or slave and make sure she is happy with what is happening and finally enjoy

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As I have said so many times, there are many things that add together to make up the BDSM lifestyle and what it means to you as a person, that also goes for those who engage in it a step further, in the D/s and M/s relationships.

There are many types of these relationships, myself personally I am a poly Master, that is I own a couple of slaves, their service to me is I wish it to be, it might be as a house slave or as a sex slave or it might be a mix of the two, the point is, it is what I want and they know I am poly when submitting to me.
I have the options open to me to share my slaves if I wish to, be it with others in this life or having them play together to please me, although it does help if the slaves are bi sexual and get on with each other if I want them to play together but again that is something I decide upon in the end.

When a poly Master lets others play with those He owns it is not the slaves choice, however most Masters will lay down a few guide lines before the scene and be present through out to ensure that the slave is ok and not in distress, again whether he actually joins in is up to him, many times I prefer to watch at first so I can be alert to what is happening especially if she is new or these are people I know but have never had join us before I then have my slave please me afterwards and I have found that they are usually more than happy as this then brings them back to familiar ground and helps them to realise I am pleased with them and what has happened during the scene

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In BDSM, there is no place off limits * obviously this is something you have talked about and agreed on prior to the scene or during the process of submission* Most Doms and Masters like to show thier property off, they like to share with others, be it with others in their poly family or with other friends within the lifestyle, however, that said, most of those I know have always said that the anus is off limits to everyone but them, this is the ‘Forbidden Hole’ the one that is used by the Dom or Master only. Now why this is I really have no idea, it might be because anal sex was something frowned upon up until 10/15 years ago, it was alwas considered ‘perverted’ and not something ‘normal’ people did, how wrong they were !

Anal sex is something enjoyed by most in this life and in the vanilla as well, it is one more step to total submission by a sub or slave when they open all thier body for their Owner to take, to own and make it their own. It could be said that to take it a step further is to then go ass to mouth but that is up to the people involved as it is not something everyone can do.

Anal sex brings another aspect of pleasure into the BDSM life style, just think, how erotic is it to fuck an ass that you have made warm by spanking or paddling ? To have a sub or slave tied with her ass in the air waiting for you to decide what you are going to do, or even if you place a butt plug in while you pound her pussy, an ass hook for added fun, the posibilities are endless and the ass is no longer the forbidden hole to you.

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When people think of BDSM one of the first things they think of is spankings and bondage, and that is true for about 90% of those in this lifestyle, however we are still normal people, and we, like everyone else enjoy a laugh and a bit of fun, and if we can inject that into things we do relating to this life then all the more fun can be had.

That said I have brought together a light hearted post on floggers and paddles, don’t get me wrong, they can still deliver the desired effect but with a smile on the Dom or Masters face while He is paddling an ass with a flogger made of leather flowers ! All of the things I have collected for you can be found at the following sites, take a look, they have some wonderful products for your enjoyment

http://www.edenfantasys.com
http://www.rosybottom.com

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Much in this way of life is said about a sub or slave serving her Dom/Master, that it is His pleasure that matters, no matter what the task is it is His satisfaction that is important be it fetching Him a drink or during a scene, what He wishes is what is important and there is no geater time that this is evident than in oral sex.

Very few subs or slaves can honestly say they can orgasm from giving their Dom or Master oral sex yet they do this if it is asked of them, so why when they receive no pleasure themselves do they want to do it ? Simply put it is because it pleases their Dom or Master.

Submitting to another means you will do as they wish within the boundries of your relationship and this is more evident when it involves sex, as this is where even those who are not in a 24/7 relationship tend to submit, and the pleasure of the Owner is always the focus.

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All too often people think about BDSM and think of its serious side, the whippings, the tying, the owning of another be it for a scene or 24/7 but there is a lighter side of it, we, like any other group of people can tease and have a laugh, and we can also take a well known cartoon character and make it into a BDSM lover, hope you enjoy the selection I have found for you

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BDSM is a wonderful lifestyle. Yet, it is just that, a lifestyle. For most of us, it is not life. We are still confronted with the same issues that everyone else is.

I wrote about this very subject in my book, An Owned Life. Too many people believe that BDSM is a way for them to escape their problems. Sadly, many get involved only to find out this is not the truth. One’s problems will follow regardless of what style of life is chosen.

Many suffer from poor interpersonal skills. This is something that can be overcome by working on one’s interactions with others. However, whether one is in a traditional relationship or a BDSM one, the result will still be the same. Someone who suffers from poor interpersonal skills will have difficulty with relationships.

Those who are involved with BDSM chose this way of life for what it adds to their life. Life still happens on a daily basis. We have our share of relationship issues. There are also financial situations which are not enviable. Sickness and death are still part of the program. Anything that the average person experiences, so do we.

The final point that I want to make is that esteem issues are not solved simply by adopting a BDSM way of life. Many new people tend to believe that being owned by another will settle this issue. Nothing can be further from the truth. At the same time, many seem that dominating another will make them “a man”. This is equally untrue. It takes a healthy esteem to be able to properly dominate or submit to another. Those who lack it will find their inferiority instilled upon the relationship. This is something that can be overcome if those involved are willing to work on it. However, BDSM will not make up for the lack of esteem.

Do not look to BDSM as the answer to all your problems. Many of us found it to be the thing that was missing in our lives. Nevertheless, this is a choice of how we decided we want to live. It does not absolve us of the other responsibilities of life.

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Click here for your version of An Owned Life.

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“It is possible to establish a series of activities that all serve to humiliate a sub. As we have shown, everything in this genre is done with the intention of showing the inequality of the relationship while often going against the commonly acceptable ideals of society. A Dom can implement rituals or behaviors into the daily activity of a sub to further impress these points.

The method which a Dom and sub walk in public can be altered to fit this end. In most relationships, people walk side-by-side when going down the street or through a store. This can be amended so that your sub walks behind you. This is more like the Eastern tradition where servants walked behind their rulers. Again, it shows the inequality of the relationship.

I like to have a sub serve my every whim. In addition to preparing the meals, a sub can be instructed to refill your drink, get your shoes, or change the television channel. Being dictated
at is not something that our culture promotes. We are taught self reliance and to take care of ourselves. Having a sub do the most menial of tasks which are easily handled can be humiliating. I found the more absurd the activity, the more the impact was.

You can also take this to another level by having him or her worship certain body parts. It is not uncommon to have a sub kiss your feet in an effort to show his/her appreciation and obedience. The licking of the anus is another activity which shows a sub’s position. Many times, the sub will take a subservient posture when receiving the order and following through. Anytime one is physically lower than another, the concept is enhanced.”

Copied from Erotic Humiliation, pg. 45

Click here to get your copy of An Owned Life

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Bent forward strappado
Image via Wikipedia

There are many parts of this life I enjoy, some more than others, and one of those is bondage. To bind a sub or slave in a way that leaves her helpless to resist anything you desire is a wonderful feeling for both, and it is something that even those in a traditional’ vanilla’ lifestyle are finding more and more exciting, although I would hazard a guess and say they do not go to the extremes that those of us in this life tend to at times.

There is the ‘soft’ binding, used for adding a certain something to a scene or play and then there is the extreme, and indeed anywhere in between.
I would advise to take care when going to some of the extremes, it is not something everyone can deal with and in my experience, the more elaborate the bonds the harder it is to remove them in a hurry if needs dictate.

Another thing to remember is the position you tie your sub or slave in is basically how they will stay until you untie them and reposition them, too elaborate and the mood for playing can quickly diminish, just something to remember, sometimes simple is the best way to go.

No matter what stage of BDSM and bondage you find yourself practicing, the key is to enjoy and have fun, remember that to start of simple is not something to be ashamed of, I to this day still cannot tie a slip knot or a reef knot but still my slaves and I have many hours of fun.

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