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Posts Tagged ‘Dennis’

So you are intertested in BDSM. How do you go about it? What is the best way to approach this way of life? Well, obviously, if your read some of my other posts, you now know there are many facets to BDSM. It is a broad spectrum wich almost anyone can fit into.

It seems the most common way people enter into it is sexually. This is the easiest way for a couple to begin their journey. In fact, I would say most couples restrict their BDSM/control activities to the bedroom. Few actually move into other phases of life.

As with anything, it is best to read up on different techniques and methods for implementing this into your sex life. Start with those areas which interest both your partner and yourself. Try to start on the “light” side of things. Discuss what it is each of you likes/dislikes. It is best to determine the level of submission and domination that each person has. Are the two of you equally split or perhaps one of you is a switch. Either way, it is helpful to know what the other desires.

Begin with some light activites such as spanking and/or light bondage. This is a wonderful way to experiment with BDSM. See how the other likes what is occurring. If there are no objections, move to something a little harder, such as spanking using an implement or tieing that person compelely to the bed. Experiment with your words play to see how degradation, humiliation, and belittling feel. Some will really enjoy this aspect of the interaction, others will not. This is a time where each is learning some of the limits.

Over time, you will find that you can expand your scope. There are many fetishes which really excite some members of our community. They are open for exploration if so desired. Other alternative lifestyles such as swinging and group activites also can be added they are of interest. Determine what sexual activites you like and discuss these with your partner. This is a simple way to expand your sexual horizons.

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There are some who prefer to get completely away from mainstream sex. These are the O/ones who move straight to hardcore. There is very little that is off limits to T/them. Are you one of these people?

Fetishes are a wonderful aspect of this lifestyle. There are so many things that a sub will do which typical girls will scoff at. It is truly an amazing feeling of power to use a woman in ways that are totally out of the ordinary. It is only enahanced when she is loving it. The ones who tend to be involved in this lifestyle seem to be willing to engage in extreme sex to some degree.

Pain sluts seem to be the typical one who lives this way. She loves to be beaten. Making sex hurt gets her going. For anyone who has encountered this type, there is nothing that compares to it. It is an amazing power rush to see the welts on one’s ass or back from a strap, riding crop, or flogger. For me, I find this highly erotic. What is sensational is that the orgasms these type of women have when treated in this manner is amazing. I have seen women squirt under these circumstances because they are turned on so much.

Another extreme aspect is watersports. There are many subs who love to be peed on. The warm feeling of a man’s piss (females is the sub is male) is exciting to them. Personally, this doesnt do much for Me as a Master but I do enjoy the power trip that comes with it. The feeling of dominance is heightened in that situation because it is so non-mainstream.

So what is Y/your ultimate fantasy? Check out the BDSM world to see how to make it come true. Life is short. There is no reason to suppress Y/your sexual desires. It is all available if Y/you will take the action. Those who live this lifestyle are willing to be involved in so many different things. Living a life with few limits sexually is a degree of freedom that few enjoy.

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Doms and subs are following their inner desires. That is what makes the lifestyle so exciting for each of these individuals. The D/s or M/s relationship is predicated upon each person having these desires fulfilled. A sub seeks to provide her Dom with pleasure. At the same time, a Dom desires to control.

The area of sex is the ideal place to see each of these fulfilled. When a couple enters into the realm of bondage, this is where each is satisified at the most primal level. The act of tieing a sub up creates a streak of power within a Dom. This single act puts in the physical form his total control. He instantly knows that He is in control. A sub also knows that her power is completely removed. She has given it all to Him.

Of course, in the D/s or in a M/s scene, the bondage arena usually facilitates the use of safe words. The sub can call the entire scene off if she is uncomfortable. A slave in a relationship typically does not enjoy this same luxury. Her Master is the One who determines how far He is willing to take her based upon His understanding of her limits. In either case, the sub is to be used for her Master’s sexual pleasure. This is the basis of bondage.

How many of you have imaged what it would be like to be tied up and defenseless against another? In talking with many subs/slaves, I find this is one of the most exciting aspects of the sexual relations. To be used sexually hits us at such a primal level. There is little which compares to it.

As always, safety is highest on the list. Yet, once that precaution is honored, there really are few limits that O/one encounters. Biding one in positions which allows her to be used thoroughly is what both parties seek. This is a payoff for entering the BDSM arena. It is a way of life in which sexual experimentation is encouraged. Deviance from the average is the norm for us. The satisfaction is intense.

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What is the difference between a Master/slave and a Dom/sub relationship?

This is something that seems to stir debate among the BDSM community. Of course, the answer to this varies depending upon who is spoken to. Basically, the way I see it, the main difference deals with control. One is absolute while the other allows the bottom to retain a degree of control. Also, the areas affected differ between the two relationships.

To start, understand that all M/s relationships fall under the classification of D/s but all D/s are not M/s. To take it a bit further, a Master is a Dom while a slave is a sub. An analogy is that all fathers are men but not all men are fathers. Just because one chooses to be a sub does not mean that she is willing to go to the lengths that a slave does.

A M/s relationship centers around the total exchange of power. It is absolute in this manner. All control is in the hands of the Master. The slave cedes all decisions over any area of her life. It is complete. On the other hand, a sub may only give up control in a certain area such as sexually. In this scenario, her Dom has all say over that area yet other aspects of her life are still hers. Depending upon the relationship, a sub may also be able to say “no” to her Dom. There might be a limit that she can stop at. A slave forgoes this luxury with that decision residing in the hands of her Master.

Obviously, there are a lot more people who would be termed “subs” when compared to the number who are “slaves”. Neither one is better than the other. It simply is the following of internal desires that stem from one’s core. In each istuation , that person is submitting to the level that is appropriate for her.

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There are many who consider the BDSM lifestyle to be sexually deviant. This is done by those who consider themselves to be sexually “normal”. Of course, the age-old saying “what is normal” comes to mind. The bottom line is what is normal for one is not normal for another. Those who engage in this lifestyle do so because it fits what they like. Anything that occurs between consenting adults is no one else’s business.

Perhaps Y/you are locked into the midset of what is normal sexually. For many, at first, the BDSM way of life seems a bit extreme. Yet, when O/one realizes that there are many different facets to this way of life, it seems that a lot of it is not so far out of wack. Take spanking for example. This is a deviant sexual activity to a few. These are the minority who believe that sex should be a certain way. However, research shows that more than 80% engage in some type of spanking during sex. Thus, not spanking is actually the deviant behavior.

There are those who like to term us perverts. Again, this is from someone who is interested in controlling through their judgements. The fact that I am a multiple slave owner does not make me a pervert; it makes Me One who is following my natural inclination. This is also true for the one who craves being tied up and used by her Dom/Master. It is a natural expression of her submissiveness which comes deep from within. There is nothing perverted about this.

Here is a clue: sex is designed to be fun and enjoyable. How O/one gets to that point is up to them. For some, the extreme side of the BDSM lifestyle is what T/they like. At the same time, many like to drift towards the lighter side. Neither of these groups is deviant sexually. They are people who enjoy the different aspects of this life.

So what is it that Y/you are looking for? Are you someone who craves more sexually. Perhaps it is time to look at what this lifestyle offers. Not everyone who is invovled with it is “leather”. Nor do all participate in orgies, groups, or dungeon scenes. If that is what you want, it is here for Y/you. However, if milder suits the desires within Y/you, that is available also. Either way, put those old prejudices to rest so that sexual life can be enjoyed

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Most people who end up as slave/subs find that it all starts with their sexual submissiveness. Are you sexually submissive? If this is the case, you may be cut out for entering into this lifestyle. For whatever reason, the sexual arena is the beginning point for uncovering total submissiveness.

Some like to be totally dominated during sex. They like to cede all control to their partner. This includes being told what to do, being called names, and servicing the other person fully. The degree of any of these activites varies with each person. However, the overall tendency is to submit to the other.

Rape fantasies are the best example of one who wants to be taken. Naturally, not all go to this extreme. A milder form of the same idea is one who fantasizes about being taken without warning by someone she consents to. She wants to be used for the other persons pleasure. Notice how the act of being taken is submissive by the fact that the other person is the one who determines when and where. This fantasy can include violence or not depending on the individual’s desire.

So what do these fantasies tell us? They let one know that she desires ceding control, at least in the area of sex. She wants to be taken and thoroughly used by another for his pleasure. This is where her pleasure is derived. Subs who live this lifestyle usually give their entire sexually being to her Dom. This is where He owns her. Of course, many transfer this to other areas of life. The Dom might be in control of what she does with her time. He might reign over how and when she handles the household activities. The possibilities are endless.

So, if you find that you regularly have the feeling of wanting to be taken sexually, you might want to explore your submissiveness. Many have found the only reason they never acted upon it is that they were not with people who were dominant enough. Consider your feelings when you consider being totally defenseless against another; that he can have you any way he wants. Is this something that sounds wonderful to you? This might uncover a totally different life for you.

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From my research the appears to be very little written about the responsibility that a Master has to a slave. When one submits to her Master, what can she expect in return? Should she have some expectations? Is the fact that she gave up all control and decisions mean that she has no criteria to “grade” her Master on? How does she know if she is getting a fair shake in the relationship? These are all questions that can be answered when one looks at the responsibility that a Master has to a slave.

A Master is to provide His slave(s) with the necessities of life. This can occur in many forms depending upon the nature of the relationship that is chosen. Obviously, we are going to focus upon the real world interactions, not those that exist online.

In an ideal situation, a Master would provide the food, clothing, and shelter for His slave(s). For this to occur, there needs to be the financial wherewithal to support in this manner. In this era this is something that few can offer. Most households require dual incomes to survive. Therefore, many slaves are put in a position of having to work. The income is needed to contribute to the overall financial health of her Master. Naturally, even those all resources earned are given to the Master, He is responsible for ensuring that the slave has the basics for survival.

After the basics, what else is a Master responsible for ? It is He who sets to course for the relationship. All training of the slave is at His discretion. My belief that a Master is to make a slave more valuable as her time in servitude progresses. A slave who is not growing is depreciating in worth with each passing year. One will want to increase her capabilities as they fit into the needs of His life. The more that she can handle, the more value she has.

My experience is that much of a slave’s training initially deals with matters inside her. The most common attribute of new slaves is they appear to overwhelmingly have low self-esteem. As a Master, one of my first priorities is to do all I can to lift one’s esteem. Slaves who have low self-respect tend to need more attention to complete tasks than those who believe in themselves. A high self regard and servitude are not exclusive terms. They can go together. In fact, the best slaves are those who have a deep-felt knowledge of their self worth. They are the ones who have the confidence to complete a task assigned to them.

Finally, a Master needs to help His slave overcome fear. Those of you who regularly read this blog know that I believe fear is a lousy way to control. It has no place in the M/s lifestyle. Slaves also tend to have a lot of fear within them. Many have been abused psychologically by poor Masters. Others seem to have let the trials and tribulations of life get the best of them. Still others just seem to be afraid of all that is out there. Regardless of where it came from, a Master needs to alleviate the fear within a slave. Her growth is stunted when she is consumed with this. Healthy individuals need to progress emotionally. A slave is no exception. All relationships are improved the more the individuals grow.

One other thing that a Master should not overlook: His own personal development. I have seen many who were intimidated by their slaves progress. Since they were not concentrating on expanding their capabilities, the slave ended up desiring more. He was not able to provide it. A Master needs to realize that without growth, there is stagnation. This is another word for death. The success of the relationship often hinges on this single point.

This is by no means all that a Master is responsible for. However, this is a basis that seems to be in all successful M/s relationships I have come across.

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