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Posts Tagged ‘domination’

When people mention BDSM, all sorts of things run through their heads, ropes, whips, pain,tears to name but a few, but very rarely unless you are into this way of life are your first thoughts pleasure, orgasms, bondage,play time, etc etc so why is this ?

I think its because the internet for all its usefulness also portrays it as a way of life that can be cruel and harsh, the pictures found when you search the sites range from vanilla to extreme and unless you are fmiliar with the lifestyle and most of its components * I say most as I really feel that no one person is familiar with ALL the different things BDSM means to others * it can be very intimidating.

One of the first things people like to experiment with is bondage, and this is something that can be built on over time, starting out with a simple hand tying then building to ankles and finally full body and suspension, as with all things it is recommended that you do not jump the stages, a novice is not really qualified to do full body suspension bondage as it can have disasterous results !! Take your time, enjoy each stage and learn from it while having fun, its a great way to also build up the trust in a relationship as well.

My advice to all who are interested in this varid and extremely fulfilling way of life is to experiment and see what works for you and your partner, there is no right or wrong and no one way to live this life, the only limitations are the ones you both place upon it – but most of all HAVE FUN !!

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One part of BDSM that I personally find exciting is BONDAGE. This could be the simple tying or a sub or slaves hands together, either with a rope, scarf, handcuffs, even cling film *saran wrap * can be used as a means of restricting their movements, and that is what bondage is, the restricting of another persons movements and ability to touch or prevent another touching them.

The method and extent of how you bind your sub or slave is something that is individual to each relationship, some prefer light bondage, thus giving the sub or slave some movement, others prefer extreme bondage, giving the sub or slave no movement at all. Some prefer ropes, others prefer belts and straps, scarf’s can be used as can neck ties and stockings or tights, the limit to what you can use is only hindered by your imagination.

I feel at this stage I should mention a few things ……….

  1. 1 Leaving a sub or slave tied in one position for a long period of time is not good for her circulation, always make sure what ever you use is not too tight that is does restrict circulation and that you can remove the bonds quickly in an emergency
  2. 2 Take all the pictures that you see on the internet with a pinch of salt, the majority of these are staged and not actually real to life,
  3. 3 While we would all love to have a co jointed sub or slave, they are very rare, remember not everyone can get their feet behind their ears, and trying to tie your sub in this position could hurt them

Experiment with different things, different ways to bind your sub or slave, use different things to achieve the results, but most of all have fun and enjoy yourself

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How many times have you read on here that BDSM is not a one size fits all ? That each person can tailor their lives to suit them with no recriminations and ridicule, and that no matter what your particular fetish or kink is that there is bound to be some more who like exactly the same as you.
With BDSM it is up to you as an individual to make it your own, and some people like soft core and some the more extreme, but that is what is so great about this life, there are no rights or wrongs, just differences * I am not including abuse in this as that is wrong no matter what style of life you lead *
A Dom or Master who likes spanking, this is not uncommon, how soft or extreme they like it is again not uncommon, there are many who think that a spanking is enough for them while there are those who like the whips and floggers, some like to tie a sub or slaves hands, others their whole body, again this is something for the individuals.
No matter how soft or extreme you want this life, it is possible, and as long as you are having fun there is no reason not to explore that side of yourself, as long as your partner * sub or slave * is willing as well

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Erotic humiliation is a wonderful technique for those who have the ability to handle such a practice. Be forewarned, those with some past issues might have difficulty with this concept. However, for the majority, erotic humiliation is a method for stressing the power difference in a relationship.

Physical humiliation is the act of increasing eroticism by physically embarrassing a sub. Under this technique, the idea is to make him/her do things he or she normally would not do. One such idea is to have that person wear extremely revealing clothing. Another is to have him or her leave the door open while changing in a public dressing room. Example such as these all enhance the D/s interaction.

In my newest publication, Erotic Humiliation I detail the different aspects of physical humiliation. We can further enhance the experience by implementing verbal humiliation. The idea is to re-emphasize a sub’s place and the power that is wielded over him or her. For those who can handle it, some like to get pretty extreme with this concept.

As always, I stress safety first. However, this is one of the most enjoyable techniques that I know. It can be something that is put in just for a scene or it can be the basis for a relationship. Those involved in M/s find this to be a must for their interaction.

Try this technique out the next time you want to improve your BDSM play. I can promise that you love it.

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I have had a few comments regarding the last post on spanking I did, and would like to clear a few misconceptions up if I may, as it seems some who are new to this are having a few problems accepting that some subs/slaves actually enjoy being spanked, the key word here is SOME, not all like this and that is something as a Master or Dom you need to establish before you go wading in with a bull whip, hell even those who like to be spanked do not always welcome a bull whip !
There are many ways to spank someone, and indeed many places as well, the tits are a favourite, the ass, as well as the pussy, you can use your hand or you can use a paddle, a crop, a kitchen spatula,a hair brush, even a fly swat works, they all provide a sting when used properly.
When a sub or slave is spanked make no mistake, it does hurt, but it has been described to me as a ‘good pain’ now not being one who wants to be paddled myself I can only listen to what is being said, many subs and slaves say that their minds open to the pain and it releases them to another ‘zone’ that the pain then does not hurt but excites them and some can orgasm from being spanked alone, this I know is not the case in everyone but from experience I do know that after a spanking everyone I have then carried on the scene with have been all to ready for me and the power of their pleasure is intensified. Is this from the paddling ? Who knows but while they enjoy it and so do I, then I see no reason to stop with this fun past time.

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Bondage is a part of BDSM that in my opinion can be one of the most erotic and yet one of the most dangerous, why ? Because if you are unsure and not certain what you are doing you can really hurt your sub/slave and cause damage or in extreme cases when using a rope around the neck death. Sounds extreme I know but it can happen, a sub or slave struggles and the knots tighten and before you know it things have gone from good to really bad.

My advice to anyone wanting to bring this part of BDSM into their lives is to have a check list, even if its only in their head, a mental list to go through as they are tying the ropes/bonds.

#1 Are the ropes too tight ? If the ropes are tight as you are tying them , they will no doubt become tighter as you play, and that can cause lose of circulation, rule of thumb is to make sure your can put your hand between the rope and your subs skin, thus making sure there is ‘breathing’ space between the bonds

#2 Is the sub happy with how you are binding them ? It sounds stupid but if the sub is unsure they will tend to struggle more and this can tighten knots making them hard to remove, especially in an emergency situation * and while we all pray this does not happen being prepared for it is a must, no one can tell what can happen at any time *

#3 Never loses track of what you are doing,,,,, there are times we all get carried away in the moment, the excitement of the play makes up lose focus at times and this is when things can go wrong, always be aware of what is happening so you can monitor the situation, I am not saying that you cannot lose yourself in the fun but I am saying keep a part of you focused on what is happening

#4 Remember that however you tie your sub, that is how she will stay ! Think ahead, its so frustrating untying and retying 7 or 8 times during a scene, the moment tends to wear off a bit with all the repositioning

Have fun and enjoy yourself but stay safe in your play.

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Wax play is something that many talk about, and few seem to do, this is always a mystery to me as to why, as when it is done correctly it is a wonderful addition to foreplay and indeed it has many deeper meanings as well, I mean who in their right mind will lay still and let another person drip hot wax all over them if they do not 100% trust them, it can be seen as another step into total submission * this does not mean however that if you don’t like wax play you are not submissive, as I say all the time, this life is one that allows you to fit it to your specific needs and desires *
The benefits of wax play are mainly for the sub/slave admittedly but at the same time it is something that is just one more added attraction to the BDSM lifestyle, the infliction of controlled pain.
If you hold a flame to your hand you will burn yourself, so why should you think that dripping hot wax on someone will not do the same? The secret is in the type of candle used, the distance you hold the candle from the body, and the area you are dripping the wax onto. There are many sensitive parts on a body, for my purpose I will be referring to a female body, the nipples, the pussy and the navel are amongst the main ones, and if you pour hot wax on any of those areas chances are your sub or slave will be off the table/floor and swearing up a blue storm at the pain of it. The idea is to hold the candle above the body, and slowly drip the melted wax onto their body, if dripped from a distance of say 12-15 inches the wax has time to cool a bit before it hits the skin, thus not burning but leaving a warm feeling, this is especially good for those new to this play. For extra fun ice can be used to ‘numb’ the area you are playing with both before and after, the combination of hot and cold is exhilarating.
If you are new to wax play, try it on yourself first, learn what works for you and then you can move onto your sub or slave, take care when first entering this part of play, it is something that can bring a lot of pleasure but if not done right a lot of pain as well for more advice please read here

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