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Posts Tagged ‘growth’

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I have had a few comments regarding the last post on spanking I did, and would like to clear a few misconceptions up if I may, as it seems some who are new to this are having a few problems accepting that some subs/slaves actually enjoy being spanked, the key word here is SOME, not all like this and that is something as a Master or Dom you need to establish before you go wading in with a bull whip, hell even those who like to be spanked do not always welcome a bull whip !
There are many ways to spank someone, and indeed many places as well, the tits are a favourite, the ass, as well as the pussy, you can use your hand or you can use a paddle, a crop, a kitchen spatula,a hair brush, even a fly swat works, they all provide a sting when used properly.
When a sub or slave is spanked make no mistake, it does hurt, but it has been described to me as a ‘good pain’ now not being one who wants to be paddled myself I can only listen to what is being said, many subs and slaves say that their minds open to the pain and it releases them to another ‘zone’ that the pain then does not hurt but excites them and some can orgasm from being spanked alone, this I know is not the case in everyone but from experience I do know that after a spanking everyone I have then carried on the scene with have been all to ready for me and the power of their pleasure is intensified. Is this from the paddling ? Who knows but while they enjoy it and so do I, then I see no reason to stop with this fun past time.

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The collar in BDSM means so many things, it can be a sign of ownership * although I must point out that not every Master or Dom will collar their property, some do not believe in this ceremony*, it can be a leash for those who like to lead their property around, it can be the signal that a scene is going to unfold, especially if it is in a public munch setting and it can be used as a ‘holding’ point for chains,ropes or leashes.

There are so many different types of collars on the market I am not even going to try to list them all, they range from steel ones which cannot be removed to dog collars, but they all in essence do the same job, they all provide the use they are intended for.

Whether you believe in collaring your property or not, in my opinion it is one of those ‘must haves’ for the toy box, it has so many uses. Points to remember though, do not have the collar too tight, most slaves and subs do not look good with blue faces, some are allergic to certain materials, make sure the sub/slave is not allergic to the collar and if you pull on it, try not to jerk it too hard, whiplash can occur if you are too rough and suddenly jerk hard on the collar, Enjoy

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BDSM and Spankings seem to go together in most peoples experience, the art of using a paddle or a crop, a whip or a flogger is something many like and many more think that they can do – WRONG ! When you first use a ‘tool’ on your sub or slave to spank them for pleasure, it is not about how much force you put behind the strike, or how hard you can hit her, it is about giving her ( and you ) as much pleasure as is possible ( for more advice see here, also look through the rest of the post as more tips and hints are given ) The best thing when starting to experiment with spanking within a scene or play time is to communicate at all times, watch your sub/slaves face, note her rations and her body language, but most of all ensure it is a fun and pleasurable experience for you both

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There is lots written about the deflating of the ego within a sub/slave. It is common practice to focus upon her gaining the humility to properly serve her Dom/Master. However, one area that is often overlooked is the ego of the Dom/Master. Few speak of the importance of Him being humble in His approach to this lifestyle.

We have all seen the egoism taken to the extreme in the pretenders. They come around looking to dominate another without any clue about what this lifestyle is all about. The first thing they like to do is to tell how great they are. It seems that the opinions of others matters little to them. Their quest is to use and abuse. That is it.

At the same time, we see similar behavior from some Doms/Masters. These are the Ones who cannot be told anything. They feel that since they are the One in control, that they are always right. It is easy to spot these individuals: they are the Ones who allow no input from the sub/slave whatsoever. Her ideas are totally dismissed because of her position. That is a sign of One who’s ego is in full flight. Simply, He is out of control.

There is not a person walking this planet who is perfect. Also, no individual is right all the time. It is impossible to know everything there is to know about a particular subject; including this lifestyle. There is always something to learn. One who listens to others shows the humility necessary to improve Oneself. Therefore, ego deflation is vital to growth. Anyone who thinks that He knows has all the answers is just as dangerous as the pretender. There is an old saying: a little knowledge is a dangerous thing.

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In the 80s hit movie “The Karate Kid”, Daniel went to Mr. Miaggi to train him in karate. For those who saw the movie, you will remember that Daniel was upset with him that he was not being trained. Instead, Daniel felt he was being used as his slave. He was made to do all kids of manual labor. Of course, this upset Daniel to the point that he confronted Mr. Miaggi. When questioned, the answered Daniel received was “who says you not trained”. Most will remember how Daniel was shown what he was taught.

This is an analogy which can be applied to the training of a slave. Many slaves believe that they need to be trained in a certain way. There seems to be an idea in their heads that the progression of their growth should take on a certain form Often, they will go to their Masters claiming that they arent being trained like they need to be. This is an interesting viewpoint especially from someone who is new. How does one know what is needed. It reminds me of the newly sober alcoholic who tells the old-timer what he needs. Sober 2 days does not make him able to make that decision.

The question is how do you know that you are not being trained? This takes on a deeper level when one is with a Master who controls through the psychological means. It is easy to be shown how to hang a Master’s clothes, clean the house, or wash the car. And that is important if one is to be a house slave. However, a good Master is going to try to increase the value of His property. He can do this in many different ways based upon where the particular slave is starting from.

A Master has different reasons for making a slave do something. Perhaps it is to test the slave’s obedience. It also could be to see where her limits are. He might be doing this because He wants to she how she responds in certain situations. Finally, He might be trying to guage her progress. Of course, there are other reasons but this offers a basic list.

So, how do you know that you are not being trained? Just because the interaction is not how you envisioned it does not mean that learning is absent. Each Master will do things differently. For me, the higher I think a slave’s potential, the deeper the training is. In those situations, I spent very little time on how to make the bed. Again, the odds are this person is not going to be a house slave for me. I have a different intention for her. Therefore, the responsibility for one’s training is still in my resposibility.

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A slave is a 24/7 lifestyle.  When one submits to her Master, her life is no longer her own.  The concept of a 40 hours work week is gone.  This way of life means that a slave is “on call” 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks out of the year.  For her, there is no such thing as a vacation.

It is not uncommon for a slave to have to work a fill time job and then to attend to her Master when she gets home.  Her time, like the rest of her life, is determined by her Master.  If he wants her to handle a project at 11:00 at night, that is the way it is to be.  She cannot offer an excuse of needing to get up early or that she is tired.

Vacations are also a foreign concept to a slave.  While her Master may take her with Him on His travels, it is not a vacation from her responsibilities.  She is still to serve Him the same as if at home.  She cannot alter her ways about her just because they took a trip.  Being a 24/7 slave means exactly that.  Serving her Master is the primary focus of her life.

Of course, an intelligent Master will know when to lighten up some on His slave.  People need time to recharge their batteries.  This is human nature.  The lessons of the slaves in the 1800s shows how the results can be terrible if a slaves well being is not attended to.  Working one to the point of exhaustion is counterproductive.  So, there are times where I tell my slaves to relax and take it easy.  Even though they are to serve me, it is healthy for them to occasionally engage in activities which they enjoy.

So remember the commitment that you are making when you submit to another.  Many like to focus on the “glamorous” aspects of the lifestyle.  However, there is also the realistic side of this way of life.  Enter into it with open eyes.

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A M/s relationship can be a wonderful way of life for many. However, it is not something that will solve all of O/one’s problem. In fact, the M/s relationship will only magnify other issues which are present in a relationship. People who enter this way of life seeking to solve their problems are greatly disappointed.

What makes this lifestyle different from others is the power distribution. Since there is a total power exchange, roles become clearly defined. There is a Master and a slave. Each knows exactly what their responsibilities are. There is no confusion as to which partner is leading or following. The same typically cannot be said in the traditional arena. The lines of “authority” tend to get blurred. They are clear in the M/s relationship.

Individual shortcomings are magnified. Leadership was discussed in the last post. One cannot shirk his responsibility in this area. If He is not capable of leading the relationship, that will become evident. The same is also true for a bad relationship. This will not be made better by transforming into the M/s lifestyle. A good relationship will be enhanced in the same way. All the good qualities of each individual is further magnified. Unfortunately, so are the bad ones.

This is something to really keep in mind when getting involved with another. Someone who is a liar, a cheat, or basically not a good person will make a lousy Master. Submitting to this type of individual is a bad decision. Likewise, having a slave who is less than admirable in terms of her qualities will equally have devastating effects. Character is important in any type of relationship. The M/s situation only magnifies it.

So use your head when entering this way of life. Do not be misled into thinking that it will solve all Y/your problems. In fact, the reverse can be true. It can enhance the problematic areas rather quickly. Many have learned this lesson the hard way.

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