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Posts Tagged ‘growth’

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I have had a few comments regarding the last post on spanking I did, and would like to clear a few misconceptions up if I may, as it seems some who are new to this are having a few problems accepting that some subs/slaves actually enjoy being spanked, the key word here is SOME, not all like this and that is something as a Master or Dom you need to establish before you go wading in with a bull whip, hell even those who like to be spanked do not always welcome a bull whip !
There are many ways to spank someone, and indeed many places as well, the tits are a favourite, the ass, as well as the pussy, you can use your hand or you can use a paddle, a crop, a kitchen spatula,a hair brush, even a fly swat works, they all provide a sting when used properly.
When a sub or slave is spanked make no mistake, it does hurt, but it has been described to me as a ‘good pain’ now not being one who wants to be paddled myself I can only listen to what is being said, many subs and slaves say that their minds open to the pain and it releases them to another ‘zone’ that the pain then does not hurt but excites them and some can orgasm from being spanked alone, this I know is not the case in everyone but from experience I do know that after a spanking everyone I have then carried on the scene with have been all to ready for me and the power of their pleasure is intensified. Is this from the paddling ? Who knows but while they enjoy it and so do I, then I see no reason to stop with this fun past time.

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The collar in BDSM means so many things, it can be a sign of ownership * although I must point out that not every Master or Dom will collar their property, some do not believe in this ceremony*, it can be a leash for those who like to lead their property around, it can be the signal that a scene is going to unfold, especially if it is in a public munch setting and it can be used as a ‘holding’ point for chains,ropes or leashes.

There are so many different types of collars on the market I am not even going to try to list them all, they range from steel ones which cannot be removed to dog collars, but they all in essence do the same job, they all provide the use they are intended for.

Whether you believe in collaring your property or not, in my opinion it is one of those ‘must haves’ for the toy box, it has so many uses. Points to remember though, do not have the collar too tight, most slaves and subs do not look good with blue faces, some are allergic to certain materials, make sure the sub/slave is not allergic to the collar and if you pull on it, try not to jerk it too hard, whiplash can occur if you are too rough and suddenly jerk hard on the collar, Enjoy

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BDSM and Spankings seem to go together in most peoples experience, the art of using a paddle or a crop, a whip or a flogger is something many like and many more think that they can do – WRONG ! When you first use a ‘tool’ on your sub or slave to spank them for pleasure, it is not about how much force you put behind the strike, or how hard you can hit her, it is about giving her ( and you ) as much pleasure as is possible ( for more advice see here, also look through the rest of the post as more tips and hints are given ) The best thing when starting to experiment with spanking within a scene or play time is to communicate at all times, watch your sub/slaves face, note her rations and her body language, but most of all ensure it is a fun and pleasurable experience for you both

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There is lots written about the deflating of the ego within a sub/slave. It is common practice to focus upon her gaining the humility to properly serve her Dom/Master. However, one area that is often overlooked is the ego of the Dom/Master. Few speak of the importance of Him being humble in His approach to this lifestyle.

We have all seen the egoism taken to the extreme in the pretenders. They come around looking to dominate another without any clue about what this lifestyle is all about. The first thing they like to do is to tell how great they are. It seems that the opinions of others matters little to them. Their quest is to use and abuse. That is it.

At the same time, we see similar behavior from some Doms/Masters. These are the Ones who cannot be told anything. They feel that since they are the One in control, that they are always right. It is easy to spot these individuals: they are the Ones who allow no input from the sub/slave whatsoever. Her ideas are totally dismissed because of her position. That is a sign of One who’s ego is in full flight. Simply, He is out of control.

There is not a person walking this planet who is perfect. Also, no individual is right all the time. It is impossible to know everything there is to know about a particular subject; including this lifestyle. There is always something to learn. One who listens to others shows the humility necessary to improve Oneself. Therefore, ego deflation is vital to growth. Anyone who thinks that He knows has all the answers is just as dangerous as the pretender. There is an old saying: a little knowledge is a dangerous thing.

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In the 80s hit movie “The Karate Kid”, Daniel went to Mr. Miaggi to train him in karate. For those who saw the movie, you will remember that Daniel was upset with him that he was not being trained. Instead, Daniel felt he was being used as his slave. He was made to do all kids of manual labor. Of course, this upset Daniel to the point that he confronted Mr. Miaggi. When questioned, the answered Daniel received was “who says you not trained”. Most will remember how Daniel was shown what he was taught.

This is an analogy which can be applied to the training of a slave. Many slaves believe that they need to be trained in a certain way. There seems to be an idea in their heads that the progression of their growth should take on a certain form Often, they will go to their Masters claiming that they arent being trained like they need to be. This is an interesting viewpoint especially from someone who is new. How does one know what is needed. It reminds me of the newly sober alcoholic who tells the old-timer what he needs. Sober 2 days does not make him able to make that decision.

The question is how do you know that you are not being trained? This takes on a deeper level when one is with a Master who controls through the psychological means. It is easy to be shown how to hang a Master’s clothes, clean the house, or wash the car. And that is important if one is to be a house slave. However, a good Master is going to try to increase the value of His property. He can do this in many different ways based upon where the particular slave is starting from.

A Master has different reasons for making a slave do something. Perhaps it is to test the slave’s obedience. It also could be to see where her limits are. He might be doing this because He wants to she how she responds in certain situations. Finally, He might be trying to guage her progress. Of course, there are other reasons but this offers a basic list.

So, how do you know that you are not being trained? Just because the interaction is not how you envisioned it does not mean that learning is absent. Each Master will do things differently. For me, the higher I think a slave’s potential, the deeper the training is. In those situations, I spent very little time on how to make the bed. Again, the odds are this person is not going to be a house slave for me. I have a different intention for her. Therefore, the responsibility for one’s training is still in my resposibility.

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A slave is a 24/7 lifestyle.  When one submits to her Master, her life is no longer her own.  The concept of a 40 hours work week is gone.  This way of life means that a slave is “on call” 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks out of the year.  For her, there is no such thing as a vacation.

It is not uncommon for a slave to have to work a fill time job and then to attend to her Master when she gets home.  Her time, like the rest of her life, is determined by her Master.  If he wants her to handle a project at 11:00 at night, that is the way it is to be.  She cannot offer an excuse of needing to get up early or that she is tired.

Vacations are also a foreign concept to a slave.  While her Master may take her with Him on His travels, it is not a vacation from her responsibilities.  She is still to serve Him the same as if at home.  She cannot alter her ways about her just because they took a trip.  Being a 24/7 slave means exactly that.  Serving her Master is the primary focus of her life.

Of course, an intelligent Master will know when to lighten up some on His slave.  People need time to recharge their batteries.  This is human nature.  The lessons of the slaves in the 1800s shows how the results can be terrible if a slaves well being is not attended to.  Working one to the point of exhaustion is counterproductive.  So, there are times where I tell my slaves to relax and take it easy.  Even though they are to serve me, it is healthy for them to occasionally engage in activities which they enjoy.

So remember the commitment that you are making when you submit to another.  Many like to focus on the “glamorous” aspects of the lifestyle.  However, there is also the realistic side of this way of life.  Enter into it with open eyes.

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A M/s relationship can be a wonderful way of life for many. However, it is not something that will solve all of O/one’s problem. In fact, the M/s relationship will only magnify other issues which are present in a relationship. People who enter this way of life seeking to solve their problems are greatly disappointed.

What makes this lifestyle different from others is the power distribution. Since there is a total power exchange, roles become clearly defined. There is a Master and a slave. Each knows exactly what their responsibilities are. There is no confusion as to which partner is leading or following. The same typically cannot be said in the traditional arena. The lines of “authority” tend to get blurred. They are clear in the M/s relationship.

Individual shortcomings are magnified. Leadership was discussed in the last post. One cannot shirk his responsibility in this area. If He is not capable of leading the relationship, that will become evident. The same is also true for a bad relationship. This will not be made better by transforming into the M/s lifestyle. A good relationship will be enhanced in the same way. All the good qualities of each individual is further magnified. Unfortunately, so are the bad ones.

This is something to really keep in mind when getting involved with another. Someone who is a liar, a cheat, or basically not a good person will make a lousy Master. Submitting to this type of individual is a bad decision. Likewise, having a slave who is less than admirable in terms of her qualities will equally have devastating effects. Character is important in any type of relationship. The M/s situation only magnifies it.

So use your head when entering this way of life. Do not be misled into thinking that it will solve all Y/your problems. In fact, the reverse can be true. It can enhance the problematic areas rather quickly. Many have learned this lesson the hard way.

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Many get in this lifestyle thinking this is the answer to all of life’s problems. Unfortunately, it is not. Life still happens. Masters need to be especially attentive to life. We simply cannot overlook our obligations because one submits to us. There needs to be the proper balance in our lives to handle each situation.

The tendency to focus on something new is basic among humans. We like the excitement that comes with anything that is different. A new slave fits into this category. On the reverse side, slaves experience the same sensations when they first submit. The desire to interact with a Master is great. One might have the thirst for talking/chatting with a slave throughout the entire day. Of course, this can have some adverse effects depending on One’s place in life.

Few of us are in the position where we can overlook something such as work. This is a responsibility which we need to attend to. Also, family obligations exist regardless of what type of lifestyle W/we pursue. Kids still need our attention and care. This entire situation gets magnified when One owns multiple slaves. The time required to assist each in her progress becomes a continual juggling act. This is where a Master needs to know when to step back.

Often, I will turn off my computer for an evening to the dismay of my slaves. It is something that I need to do. When they call, I will be brief with my conversations. Some will understand that I need this “me time”. Some, unfortunately, do not grasp this concept. Nevertheless, it is something that I need to do. There are a lot of different responsibilities which I carry. For me to be effective, I need to do what is best for my conditioning.

Do not overlook the details of Your life. Failure to do this will come back with negative consequences. Owning a slave(s) can be one of the most exciting things in our lifestyle. However, the challenges can be daunting. Each will want to occupy Your time. And when they don’t receive the attention, they will begin to feel that You are angry or upset with them. This is the inferiority conditioning that many slaves initially have. As a Master, I need to focus on all involved. This includes not only my slaves, but also my business associates, work personnel, family members, and spiritual comrades. Overlooking these other people will cause a lot of rift in my life.

Masters need to take charge. Whatever the reason for Your decisions, make sure You are using sound reasoning when attending to Your different activities. Sometimes a slave just needs to accept that she needs to wait. I find those who have experienced a fair amount of growth handle this with more understanding than the newer ones. A slave will not agree with every decision her Master makes. This is where One’s leadership abilities come into play. Take charge even when Your selections are not well received. That is part of what being a Master is all about.

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This is a word that the business world has torn apart.  Many have analyzed what make one a good leader.  People have also delved into why someone fails to properly lead when put into that position.  Of course, this is too broad a topic to fully disect here.  However, there are a few points that we need to discuss.

A Master is responsible for providing leadership in the relationship.  This is something that many desire to have yet fail to fulfill once they have it.  Being a leader entails being responsible for all that occurs.  As one President liked to say “the buck stops here”.  Many default to the blame mindset; they want to blame others whenever something goes wrong.  It is much easier to do this as compared to personally taking responsibility for what transpires.

Whenever I hear One discussing the breakup of His M/s relationship, I am astounded how few take the proper responsibility for what occurred.   It is common to hear how the slave did everything wrong.  The “if she only” mindset oozes out of every pore.  My quesion is “who was responsible for her”.  Once a Master determines that one is cut out to be a slave, it is His obligation to steer the relationship forward.  Naturally, there are situations that will not work out and where a parting of ways is necessary.  However, it rarely can be solely attributed to the slave’s shortcomings.  A true Master takes responsibility for what happens.

Leadership is not about bossing another around.  Many seem to feel that being dictatorial is how One leads.  This is not.  What this shows is really how insecure One is.  Witness some of the great leaders in history.  Rarely were they yelling at their men.  They were calm in the face of adversity.  Emotional control (mentioned in a number of other posts) is their demeanor.  They were willing to accept the responsbility for the outcome, both positive and negative.

What does all this have to do with the M/s relationship?  This pertains to uncovering One’s willingness to take responsbility for His slave’s grow.  What are you willing to do to make her more valauble?  Too often I see Masters getting their rocks off by having a slave repeatedly perform a task which demeans her.  I am all for the occasional ego-deflation.  It is a necessary part of training.  However, if there is not a solid reason for having a slave do soemthing, why is she doing it?

Here is an example which I heard a number of Masters do.  Webcams are a common in this age.  I heard of a number of Masters having their slaves watch while they were serviced by another.  What struck me as odd, is that they required this on numerous occasions.  When questioned, there was no viable answer for doing this other than for the Master’s pleasure.  Again, I can see this as a way to test the slave; to get her to show her willingness and commitment.  But repeatedly doing this does not seem to enhance her growth at all.  Where is the betterment of her as a slave?  This is what I see as lacking in the leadership department.

A true leader has a reason for having one engage in a particular activity.  His life is improved by her following through on the action.  Of course, not everything is done with a clear lesson or growth opportunity in mind.  Sometimes, One wants to have fun.  However, repreated degrading of a slave shows One lacks in the leadership department.  Is that the best You have to offer a slave?  Unless one is being trained to be a voyeur, there needs to be more to the relationship.

Failure to fulfill Your responsibility will lead to a failed relationship.  Those who cannot accept their part in it are doomed to repeat it again.  Sadly, the vast percentage of relationships end in breakup.  This is a fact of life.  Getting two people to merge their lives together in any capacity is difficult.  Yet it is magnified when one or both parties fail to uphold their part in it.  In the M/s world, leadership must come from the Master.

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It seems that when people approach this lifestyle, all common sense goes out the window. In the past, we covered this topic some, but recent events lead me to bring it up again. Some of what I witness out there is absolutely baffling. Of course, much of this behavior is online which can lead one to question how applicable it is. Nevertheless, I would like to take the time to refer to some simple practices which can help.

To begin, safety is the most important factor. With all the publicity that “online dating gone horrifically bad” has received, I am astounded at the vulnerable positions people put themselves into. Whether one is dealing within the M/s community or vanilla relationships, the rules of safety still apply. Recently I posted some ideas which were suggestions to make your first meeting a safe one. Again, this is where common sense goes out the window. Here is a hint: meeting someone alone who you met online yet have failed to meet in person is not a good idea. Get together in a public place, but avoid the hotel room/their place until a later time.

Secondly, in the traditional world, most would not consider marrying someone on the first date. Yet, once someone decides he/she wants to submit, the next available person seems to be the One. They are ready to make a full commitment based upon a few conversations. Instead, use that time to get to know each other. If it is a long distance situation, submit with the intention of uncovering and learning about the other. This will give you the time to determine if there is more than just the M/s commonality there. While things can sometimes move quickly for some, this is the exception and not the rule.

Finally, while this is new to most, the general rules for relationship interaction is still in play. Just because W/we assume the roles of Master or slave, that does not mean that common courtesies go away. Also, lying, cheating, or manipulating is never a good idea. These qualities instantly destroy the trust foundation. Enter the relationship seeking what you can give (yes this applies to Masters also). Relationships where one party is continually taking are destined to fail. Regardless of the position you have in the relationship, honor and respect the other person. If you are a Master, focus Your attention on the growth of Your slave. This will do more to ensure her commitment to You than any amount of punishment ever could.

In conclusion, be smart. This is a way of life that many of us choose. Like most people, we all strive to enjoy ourselves while becoming better for the experiences we had.

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