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Posts Tagged ‘M/s relationship’

So you are intertested in BDSM. How do you go about it? What is the best way to approach this way of life? Well, obviously, if your read some of my other posts, you now know there are many facets to BDSM. It is a broad spectrum wich almost anyone can fit into.

It seems the most common way people enter into it is sexually. This is the easiest way for a couple to begin their journey. In fact, I would say most couples restrict their BDSM/control activities to the bedroom. Few actually move into other phases of life.

As with anything, it is best to read up on different techniques and methods for implementing this into your sex life. Start with those areas which interest both your partner and yourself. Try to start on the “light” side of things. Discuss what it is each of you likes/dislikes. It is best to determine the level of submission and domination that each person has. Are the two of you equally split or perhaps one of you is a switch. Either way, it is helpful to know what the other desires.

Begin with some light activites such as spanking and/or light bondage. This is a wonderful way to experiment with BDSM. See how the other likes what is occurring. If there are no objections, move to something a little harder, such as spanking using an implement or tieing that person compelely to the bed. Experiment with your words play to see how degradation, humiliation, and belittling feel. Some will really enjoy this aspect of the interaction, others will not. This is a time where each is learning some of the limits.

Over time, you will find that you can expand your scope. There are many fetishes which really excite some members of our community. They are open for exploration if so desired. Other alternative lifestyles such as swinging and group activites also can be added they are of interest. Determine what sexual activites you like and discuss these with your partner. This is a simple way to expand your sexual horizons.

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We live in the Internet age. This device has become a terrific tool for meeting people from all over this world. It really is something which made it easy for like-minded people to get together. For this reason, we have seen the information about available lifestyles explode. What use to be a topic that only a few knew about is not something that can be located with any Google search. The “underground” moved into the mainstream online.

Part of this movement is the development of online dating sites. These sites, specifically the ones catering to adults, made is much easier to develop relationships with those same like-minded people. New online relationships are forged almost daily. On this site, I have written numerous times on the advantages to this type of relationship. However, at some point, a real M/s relationship needs to move into the real world. Relationships that never make this transition remain a fantasy. This begins to classify it as nothing more than role playing in most instances. Of course, there are situations where this does not take this form, especially when a Master is still conducting training from afar.

The question then becomes “how willing are you to move the relationship to the real world”. It is surprising how many are unwilling to take this step. This is a major red flag to where the ultimate outcome of the relationship might end up. A lack of willingness to make the relationship real indicates that the other person is perhaps playing games. This is something which needs to be fully examined.

Personally, I have met a number of slaves online. As mentioned, it is a great way to meet people with the same mindset. Whenever I am with someone new, one of the first things I find out is how willing is she to relocate to Florida. I set the stage upfront that this will ultimately be the expectation. Without an affirmative answer, I will delve deeper into what is going to transpire. Some take exception to me being so upfront. Well, the bottom line is that I am serious about this way of life. There are lots of slaves out there looking for owners (we discussed the percentages in a previous post also). Time becomes an issue. Simply, I am not willing to invest the time in someone who is not for real. This method seems to get it all out on the table.

So, ask yourself, how willing are you to be with your Master. Are you willing to move across country, or even to another country, to be with Him? Of course, I will caution you to use the proper diligence and spend the necessary time getting to know Him. However, if the time comes to move the relationship offline, are you willing to do that? If not, what are you seeking? Many take the M/s relationship seriously and failure to do so on your part will truly harm another. So, again, is this something that is real to you or not?

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Children are known to want what other children are given. This is magnified when those children are siblings. It is interesting to witness how slaves behave in the same manner. The situation is magnified when the slaves are new to the lifestyle. A slave typically enter this way of life with a host of beliefs from the traditional lifestyle.

Being a multiple slave owner, it is easy to witness the paradox that slaves live under. Ask any slave if she wants to be trained and utilized based upon her as an individual and One will receive a “Yes”. Yet, while wanting to be appreciated for her individuality, she wants to have equal treatment from her Master. She feels that she is entitled to the same attention from her Master the other(s) receive. This is something that a slave needs to overcome if she is to last in the lifestyle.

The central concept of our lifestyle is the total exchange of power. This is what separates this from a traditional relationship-where the power lies. I have seen too many slaves trying to control by getting upset when she disagrees with her Masters focus. The reality is that a Master is free to interact with His slaves however He sees fit. If He prefers to give one special treatment, then that is how it is to be. A slave’s position is to accept her Master’s choice while abiding by them. Ranting and raving about how she is treated when compared to others is showing a lack of gratitude.

A slave’s growth is what increases her value to her Master. Anyone who continues to complain about her treatment is not growing. Instead, she is creating headaches for her Master. A Master makes decisions based upon a variety of issues. Often, it is not a slave’s business to know His reasoning. Again, her position is to be prepared to obey her Master whenever He wishes to interact with her. This is how a slave will increase her value.

Being an exceptional slave entails maturing into the role. Many feel that submission is enough. It usually only begins to scratch the surface. A slave truly needs to understand what total obedience means. The Master may only pay her periodic attention. If that is how He chooses to operate, that is how she will live. Attempting to sabotage her Master’s relationship with other slaves is an inexcusable act. It ranks up there with treason. For Me, this is an act which qualifies for automatic release. There is no point in dealing with a manipulative slave. This act shows her lack of willingness to cede the power of the relationship. Trust is instantly broken with this single act.

A Master provides His slave(s) with the necessities of life. After that, anything He chooses to give her is out of His benevolence. For those who have an issue with this, it might be time to re-evaluate one’s decision to be a slave. Perhaps one is better suited to pursue another lifestyle. Being a slave involves a level of submission that few can truly attain.

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What does it mean when we say that a Master owns His slave mentally? How does One own another mentally? Can thoughts really be owned? These are some questions which I saw posed recently which made me consider this aspect.

It is fairly well known that a slave’s thinking will move towards her Master’s as time progresses. A well trained slave will be able to decide what her Master would do in particular situations if He were there. When a slave is able to make these decisions on her own, her value to her Master increases. Value jumps when a slave is able to accomplish tasks with less intervention from her Master.

However, what about a slave’s thinking? Will she lose all her individual thoughts? My experience is that this is unrealistic. A slave cannot overcome her humanness of which thinking is a part of. Thoughts tend to pop in out of nowhere without rhyme or reason. Slaves are not exempt from this happening. Also, slaves will still carry a series of beliefs with them. Of course, these will change as time passes. This is another human condition. One does not believe the same way at 45 that He did at 25. Experience give a person a different outlook.

It is an impossibility for one not to have her own thoughts and opinions. This is a natural state which will be ever present. The important variable is what is done with those thoughts. A slave might object to something her Master says (the thought) but following through in an obedient fashion is what is important. The same thing with beliefs; a slave might hold a particular viewpoint inside her head but if it stays there it is not a problem. It that point is expressed contrary to her Master’s opinion is when there is difficulty. Finally, a well intentioned slave will learn that most of the things which were meaningful before lose their relevance over time. The depths that one is taken to in the M/s relationship will awaken a feeling that overcomes all else. The desire to serve trumps most other beliefs that a slave entered the relationship with.

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Decisiveness is a quality of all great leaders. People follow those with whom they feel confident with. Leaders are continually confronted with decisions which affect others. A quick way to kill morale is for a leader to be uncertain in his or her decision making ability. People lose confidence in a person like that.

In the Master/slave relationship, the Master is the leader. It is He who is responsible for all decisions. Slaves tend to lose faith in their Master when He is uncertain of the choices made. Decisiveness is a way for a Master to increase the confidence His slave has. The presumption is One who can make decisions quickly is strong. Of course, the reverse is a presumed sign of weakness.

So how can One develop this habit? Decisiveness is a quality that can be acquired. It is no something that people are born with. It is a mixture of self confidence with practice. Like any other muscle, the decision making muscle gets stronger the more it is used. Start today making all decisions quickly. Start with the less important decisions before moving to bigger choices. For example, select what to eat for lunch or dinner in less than a minute. Make it quickly and move on. This will set One on the path to a healthy habit.

A Master needs to develop the traits of the world’s great leaders. Although not necessarily running a country or a Fortune 500 company, a Master has the life of his slave(s) in His hands. Because of the total power exchange, He is the One that needs to instill the internal self confidence. Decisiveness is at the core of all great leaders. Implement this into your relationship and witness how much more confidence your slave will have in you.

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The exuberance that a slave exhibits when she realizes what she truly is can be a wonderful thing to witness. However, this can often create problems if that is not harnessed. I have seen more than one slave put in a potentially dangerous situation by expressing her newfound lifestyle.

It reminds me of a slave which I had a number of years ago. Her submission to me was a move which connected her with her true inner desires. A woman in her late 30s, she had traveled the road of the traditional relationship only to find unhappiness. As many have found, she was instantly elated at her submission.

It is important to remember there are many people who do not understand our lifestyle. They believe that one who submits is weak and was created to be abused. Naturally, the knowledge of a slave’s submission in the wrong hands is a dangerous thing.

The slave previously mentioned was at a hockey game one night without Me. She had tickets to take one of her kids who ended sitting with some of his friends in another section. During the game, we were talking on the phone. The conversation centered around her servitude to me. Next to her were two males drinking and passing comments. In a flash, she turned to one of them to tell him that she was an owned slave; talking to her Master. When I heard this, I was immediately struck with fear. This is a scene which could end up very badly.

Without going into details, she was harassed throughout the game by the men, called all kinds of things. They mentioned how they would “own” her. After the game ended, she was followed by these individuals into the parking lot. Fortunately, she found a security guard to escort her to the car. This avoided a potentially dangerous outcome.

This story shows how it is best to mention one’s submission only to those who will understand. The misconception out there is paramount. I always tell my slaves to mention their service only if it can be helpful to another who is searching. Other than that, it is best to not mention it to anyone else.

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Frustration is a part of everyone’s life at different times. The Master/slave relationship is not exempt from the trials and tribulations of life itself. People can become very frustrated at times and that can come out when dealing with another in this type of situation.

Emotional mastery is a key component to overcoming some of these challenges. We are better able to deal with others when we are able to control or change our emotional states. However, this will not alleviate all the problems that one encounters.

As with anything, communication seems to be the key. There is no way to replace the open dialog for ensuring the success of a relationship. Even in one where this is a total power exchange, expressing one’s dissatisfactions is important. Many times, the other party is completely unaware of what is lacking. It is easy for life circumstances to garner one’s attention; adversely affecting the other person.

This often occurs when slave’s get frustrated over the training one receives. I was guilty over the years of not providing the proper attention to a particular slave while focusing on other events in my life. There are times when life circumstances get difficult and require attention. It is important to communicate what is going on with the other person. Frustration can mount over the feeling of being overlooked.

Try to keep in mind that frustration is a part of the human experience which must be dealt with. The desire to run can be great at these times. Resist this temptation while focusing on what needs to be done.

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