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Posts Tagged ‘safety’

What is the difference between a Master/slave and a Dom/sub relationship?

This is something that seems to stir debate among the BDSM community. Of course, the answer to this varies depending upon who is spoken to. Basically, the way I see it, the main difference deals with control. One is absolute while the other allows the bottom to retain a degree of control. Also, the areas affected differ between the two relationships.

To start, understand that all M/s relationships fall under the classification of D/s but all D/s are not M/s. To take it a bit further, a Master is a Dom while a slave is a sub. An analogy is that all fathers are men but not all men are fathers. Just because one chooses to be a sub does not mean that she is willing to go to the lengths that a slave does.

A M/s relationship centers around the total exchange of power. It is absolute in this manner. All control is in the hands of the Master. The slave cedes all decisions over any area of her life. It is complete. On the other hand, a sub may only give up control in a certain area such as sexually. In this scenario, her Dom has all say over that area yet other aspects of her life are still hers. Depending upon the relationship, a sub may also be able to say “no” to her Dom. There might be a limit that she can stop at. A slave forgoes this luxury with that decision residing in the hands of her Master.

Obviously, there are a lot more people who would be termed “subs” when compared to the number who are “slaves”. Neither one is better than the other. It simply is the following of internal desires that stem from one’s core. In each istuation , that person is submitting to the level that is appropriate for her.

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Many have this desire: they would love nothing better than to be involved with a group of people in a wild sexual free-for-all. Like most fantasies, this is available in the BDSM world. If O/one is willing to let go of social conditioning, the world is at Y/your doorstep. The situation of settling is available to A/all who seek it.

For me, I have found this lifestyle to be a freeing experience. While that would seem contradictary, it is not. The BDSM lifestyle tends to go against the social norms. This is what sets it free as opposed to conforming. The orgy is a prime example of this rejecting of what society promotes.

Monogamy is the tool used by society. The marriage is the institution by which a society survives. It is within this framework that the family unit is formed. This is the foundation for it. The concept of free sex with multiple partners is discouraged. Those who engage in the practice are looked down upon. Society has a variety of terms used to describe these people-and none of them are endearing.

The BDSM environment is made up of a variety of people. There are plenty of facets for O/one to explore. Not all involved in this way of life are swingers or into group sex. Many are into monogomous relationships with a “leather” twist. However, there are many who are also open to the wild side of the lifestyle. It is a matter of availing Y/yourself to the deisres within and getting with those who want to share similar experiences.

When engaging in a BDSM orgy, it is important that there be a level of trust among all participants, Unlike regular orgies, it is best if strangers not be invovled. Safety, as always, is a primary concern. The subs are in a vulnerable position, especially if the setting is a dungeon scene complete with all the furniture. While they are open to being used sexually by many and be worked on by the same people, few will want to deal with an inexperienced person. Repecting limits is difficult when an overzealous person is invovled.

Entertaining our sexual side is one of the benefits of the BDSM experinece. This way of life allows O/ones mind to drift into a realm which previously was considered only fantasy. However, in this lifestyle, the fantasies have a way of becoming reality. It is all available if Y/you seek it.

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Most people who end up as slave/subs find that it all starts with their sexual submissiveness. Are you sexually submissive? If this is the case, you may be cut out for entering into this lifestyle. For whatever reason, the sexual arena is the beginning point for uncovering total submissiveness.

Some like to be totally dominated during sex. They like to cede all control to their partner. This includes being told what to do, being called names, and servicing the other person fully. The degree of any of these activites varies with each person. However, the overall tendency is to submit to the other.

Rape fantasies are the best example of one who wants to be taken. Naturally, not all go to this extreme. A milder form of the same idea is one who fantasizes about being taken without warning by someone she consents to. She wants to be used for the other persons pleasure. Notice how the act of being taken is submissive by the fact that the other person is the one who determines when and where. This fantasy can include violence or not depending on the individual’s desire.

So what do these fantasies tell us? They let one know that she desires ceding control, at least in the area of sex. She wants to be taken and thoroughly used by another for his pleasure. This is where her pleasure is derived. Subs who live this lifestyle usually give their entire sexually being to her Dom. This is where He owns her. Of course, many transfer this to other areas of life. The Dom might be in control of what she does with her time. He might reign over how and when she handles the household activities. The possibilities are endless.

So, if you find that you regularly have the feeling of wanting to be taken sexually, you might want to explore your submissiveness. Many have found the only reason they never acted upon it is that they were not with people who were dominant enough. Consider your feelings when you consider being totally defenseless against another; that he can have you any way he wants. Is this something that sounds wonderful to you? This might uncover a totally different life for you.

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This is not intended to appeal to those who are interested in abusing women. Those who read my works know that I respect this lifestyle and am fully committed to making it better. I believe safety is of the utmost importance. However, for those who are serious, this can be the answer to O/one’s dreams.

This is a lifestyle where submissives outnumber dominants by an estimation of 20 to 1.

That tells me there are a lot of women who are seeking qualified people to control them (I always speak from the male perspective). Also, I know there are a lot of terrific guys out there who have a dominant streak to them yet have a tough time getting into a relationship. They are continually competing against all those with more money, better looks, and higher esteem. In the traditional world, the breakdown is almost 50/50. In this lifestyle, it is 5/95. One’s odds increase substantially.

I wrote “An Owned Life” with the intention of explaining the basics of this lifestyle. My hopes are that we attract some quality people with a dominant side to them who are willing to learn what it takes to be a good Master. The world has enough abusers and jugheads. It would be nice to see some of these people enter into this way of life.

Have you noticed that you have a dominant side to you while have the willingness to learn? If you do, take a look at this way of life. It has the ability to make all your dreams come true.

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In the 80s hit movie “The Karate Kid”, Daniel went to Mr. Miaggi to train him in karate. For those who saw the movie, you will remember that Daniel was upset with him that he was not being trained. Instead, Daniel felt he was being used as his slave. He was made to do all kids of manual labor. Of course, this upset Daniel to the point that he confronted Mr. Miaggi. When questioned, the answered Daniel received was “who says you not trained”. Most will remember how Daniel was shown what he was taught.

This is an analogy which can be applied to the training of a slave. Many slaves believe that they need to be trained in a certain way. There seems to be an idea in their heads that the progression of their growth should take on a certain form Often, they will go to their Masters claiming that they arent being trained like they need to be. This is an interesting viewpoint especially from someone who is new. How does one know what is needed. It reminds me of the newly sober alcoholic who tells the old-timer what he needs. Sober 2 days does not make him able to make that decision.

The question is how do you know that you are not being trained? This takes on a deeper level when one is with a Master who controls through the psychological means. It is easy to be shown how to hang a Master’s clothes, clean the house, or wash the car. And that is important if one is to be a house slave. However, a good Master is going to try to increase the value of His property. He can do this in many different ways based upon where the particular slave is starting from.

A Master has different reasons for making a slave do something. Perhaps it is to test the slave’s obedience. It also could be to see where her limits are. He might be doing this because He wants to she how she responds in certain situations. Finally, He might be trying to guage her progress. Of course, there are other reasons but this offers a basic list.

So, how do you know that you are not being trained? Just because the interaction is not how you envisioned it does not mean that learning is absent. Each Master will do things differently. For me, the higher I think a slave’s potential, the deeper the training is. In those situations, I spent very little time on how to make the bed. Again, the odds are this person is not going to be a house slave for me. I have a different intention for her. Therefore, the responsibility for one’s training is still in my resposibility.

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It seems that when people approach this lifestyle, all common sense goes out the window. In the past, we covered this topic some, but recent events lead me to bring it up again. Some of what I witness out there is absolutely baffling. Of course, much of this behavior is online which can lead one to question how applicable it is. Nevertheless, I would like to take the time to refer to some simple practices which can help.

To begin, safety is the most important factor. With all the publicity that “online dating gone horrifically bad” has received, I am astounded at the vulnerable positions people put themselves into. Whether one is dealing within the M/s community or vanilla relationships, the rules of safety still apply. Recently I posted some ideas which were suggestions to make your first meeting a safe one. Again, this is where common sense goes out the window. Here is a hint: meeting someone alone who you met online yet have failed to meet in person is not a good idea. Get together in a public place, but avoid the hotel room/their place until a later time.

Secondly, in the traditional world, most would not consider marrying someone on the first date. Yet, once someone decides he/she wants to submit, the next available person seems to be the One. They are ready to make a full commitment based upon a few conversations. Instead, use that time to get to know each other. If it is a long distance situation, submit with the intention of uncovering and learning about the other. This will give you the time to determine if there is more than just the M/s commonality there. While things can sometimes move quickly for some, this is the exception and not the rule.

Finally, while this is new to most, the general rules for relationship interaction is still in play. Just because W/we assume the roles of Master or slave, that does not mean that common courtesies go away. Also, lying, cheating, or manipulating is never a good idea. These qualities instantly destroy the trust foundation. Enter the relationship seeking what you can give (yes this applies to Masters also). Relationships where one party is continually taking are destined to fail. Regardless of the position you have in the relationship, honor and respect the other person. If you are a Master, focus Your attention on the growth of Your slave. This will do more to ensure her commitment to You than any amount of punishment ever could.

In conclusion, be smart. This is a way of life that many of us choose. Like most people, we all strive to enjoy ourselves while becoming better for the experiences we had.

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We have mentioned safety on here a number of times. In my opinion, this is one of the most important aspects of the lifestyle. There are arenas which we enter into that can be extremely dangerous if O/one is not careful. Safety is a concern that should always be on people’s mind.

Obviously when dealing with the Internet, safety is something which is well advertised. To be blunt: there are a lot of sick people out there. They engage in a forum that allows them to remain anonymous. A person can be whatever He or She decides without exception. Often, the truth is uncovered only after it is too late.

Another area where safety is a major concern when engaging in bondage. There are stories galore which spell out relate the horrific consequences of scenes gone bad. People not paying attention to detail caused someone to get seriously injured (or die). Take the necessary preventive measures to ensure that the one that You are playing with is safe.

Some of the steps that are taken for a safe time:

-the use of safe words

-using rope that is thick enough to avoid cutting into the person

-Striking only on the ass or upper back (avoid the spinal area at all times)

-avoiding mummification and suffocation techniques

-pre-planned rest periods

-leaving restraints loose enough to allow for circulation (if it is cut off, do so only for a short period of time)

-keep all sharp objects such as knives and blades away from all arteries.

These are just a few of the things You can do to ensure that both you and your partner enjoy the time spent together.

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