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BDSM is a wonderful lifestyle. Yet, it is just that, a lifestyle. For most of us, it is not life. We are still confronted with the same issues that everyone else is.

I wrote about this very subject in my book, An Owned Life. Too many people believe that BDSM is a way for them to escape their problems. Sadly, many get involved only to find out this is not the truth. One’s problems will follow regardless of what style of life is chosen.

Many suffer from poor interpersonal skills. This is something that can be overcome by working on one’s interactions with others. However, whether one is in a traditional relationship or a BDSM one, the result will still be the same. Someone who suffers from poor interpersonal skills will have difficulty with relationships.

Those who are involved with BDSM chose this way of life for what it adds to their life. Life still happens on a daily basis. We have our share of relationship issues. There are also financial situations which are not enviable. Sickness and death are still part of the program. Anything that the average person experiences, so do we.

The final point that I want to make is that esteem issues are not solved simply by adopting a BDSM way of life. Many new people tend to believe that being owned by another will settle this issue. Nothing can be further from the truth. At the same time, many seem that dominating another will make them “a man”. This is equally untrue. It takes a healthy esteem to be able to properly dominate or submit to another. Those who lack it will find their inferiority instilled upon the relationship. This is something that can be overcome if those involved are willing to work on it. However, BDSM will not make up for the lack of esteem.

Do not look to BDSM as the answer to all your problems. Many of us found it to be the thing that was missing in our lives. Nevertheless, this is a choice of how we decided we want to live. It does not absolve us of the other responsibilities of life.

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We have touched on the humiliation aspect of BDSM, how some really enjoy this and as long as steps are taken to ensure the safety * mental more than physical * then it can be an enriching experience for those involved.

Another way to humiliate a sub/slave is to write on thm, slogans such as ‘cum slut’ and ‘whore for use’ really do demean a slave, especially if it is seen by more than her Master, lipstick is one way to write on them, it removes easily for when the scene is over, or for a more perminant reminder a perminant marker is harder to remove, and placing the writing where she cannot reach it * on her back and ass for example * makes it even harder. The words used can be general sexual terms or more personal, however you wish to write on your property it can be something that take the humiliation one step further.

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Many speakof the trust that a slave needs to have for her Master before submitting.  While this is an important component, it is equally as important for a Master to be able to trust His slave.  If not, there will be problems down the road.

It is common to see people rush into an M/s relationship.  This causes future headache (heartache) since there was a lack of compatability.  However, it is also crucial for these individuals to learn how much he or she can trust the other.  This is the bedrock which the relationship will be built upon.

Is Your slave trustworthy?  Is she someone who tells the truth?  How is her character?  These are important questions that require answers.  A Master is taking on a great deal of responsibility when agreeing to accept one’s submission.  Often, that entails opening up different aspects of His life to her.  Depending upon the situation, this might include giving her passowrds, access to credit cards, or expose her to His children.  Obviously, if she is not trustworthy, a great deal of damamge can be inflicted.

Trust is a two way street.  Yet, many believe just because they are in the dominant position, that gaining insight into a slave’s worthiness is not necessary.  He mistakingly believes that He will straighten her out.  While this will happen once in a while, the old adage about sobering up a drunken horse thief is applicable.  You are still left with a horse thief.  A crooked slave is still crooked.  Consider this the next time someone is seeking to submit to You.

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Here are a couple of simple ways to get into BDSM. They are simple, low cost, yet will offer all the feelings of what this lifestyle has to offer.


The next time you are in a sexual situation with a partner who is interested, try these tips.

1. To begin, have an old necktie available. One can acquire these at any thrift shop for a dollor or two. Try to avoid the desire to use one of your newer ties since they can get wrecked. Start the process by having your partner overlapping his/her hands behind the back. At this point use the tie to bind the hands together. I like to make a figure 8 with the tie going in between the wrists.

You have now entered the world of bondage. Full control over this person is yours in this situation. The dominant streak within you is fulfilled while the submissive side of the other is also taken care of. You can now manuever your partner into giving you oral sex, bend her over and take her from behind, or bgin nipple play. Each of this activities will extend from the defenseless position she has now taken.

2. The second way to get into this lifestyle is to have an ordinary wooden clothespin. This is an item that most households have laying around. If not, a package of them can be gotten for a dollar. Take the clothespin and attach it to your partners nipple. This will stimulate some sensations within him or her. The pinching adds another level to the experiences.

You can also attach the clothespins to the genitals also. If the sub is female, clip the clothespin to her pussy lips. Warning: be sure to avoid the clit as this can cause some damage. Go lower down on the lips where there nerve endings are less. On a male, the same can be done. Put the clothespin in his nutsack or even on the base of his cock. Again, avoid the part of the dick near the top since this is where his nerve endings are.

There you have it. You have just entered into the world of bondage. Experiment with your partner to determine all that he or she likes. Most find they like a great deal more than they initially figure.

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The life as a sub can be exciting and fulfilling However, one needs to determine how far she is willing to go. How far are you willing to enter the lifestyle? This will vary for each individual. Some opt to go to the point of becoming a 24/7 slave. It is at this extreme where there is a total exchange of power. The slave retains no rights nor control over her life.

Is being a slave something that you desire? If that is the case, it is wonderful. Yet you must be forewarned that willing to do anything means ANYTHING. Are you will to allow yourself to be gangbanged at the whim of your Master? I know one who was taken by 10-12 of her Master’s friends when she misbehaved. Is this something that you are comfortable with? Are you willing to be with a member of the same sex? Many Masters (and Mistresses) like to see their slaves engage in sex homosexual activities. I like all my slaves to be bisexual. I want them to eat other slaves out when the desire hits me.

When you give up full control, an important aspect is to be with One who is safe. That is why it is best to avoid all the pretenders out there. They only are looking to abuse; they have no conccept of training or improving a sub. The common activity is to degrade a sub/slave. When one chooses this lifestyle, she is opting to following a desire deep within her. There is nothing shameful or humiliating about that. A sub/slave can hold her head up high. This choice is one to be proud of.

Are you willing to have someone take control of your sex life? The One you are with might have you do all kinds of deviant sexual things. This is something to consider before entering this way of life. Of course, a large part of the equation is the trust you have for the person you choose. If He is experienced and knows what His own desires are, you can take comfort in His ability to lead you. This is a point I cannot stress enough. Sex might be wonderful with someone who is new. However, think through the level to which you are willing to submit to. It might be safer to draw a few boudaries with a new Dom.

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So you are intertested in BDSM. How do you go about it? What is the best way to approach this way of life? Well, obviously, if your read some of my other posts, you now know there are many facets to BDSM. It is a broad spectrum wich almost anyone can fit into.

It seems the most common way people enter into it is sexually. This is the easiest way for a couple to begin their journey. In fact, I would say most couples restrict their BDSM/control activities to the bedroom. Few actually move into other phases of life.

As with anything, it is best to read up on different techniques and methods for implementing this into your sex life. Start with those areas which interest both your partner and yourself. Try to start on the “light” side of things. Discuss what it is each of you likes/dislikes. It is best to determine the level of submission and domination that each person has. Are the two of you equally split or perhaps one of you is a switch. Either way, it is helpful to know what the other desires.

Begin with some light activites such as spanking and/or light bondage. This is a wonderful way to experiment with BDSM. See how the other likes what is occurring. If there are no objections, move to something a little harder, such as spanking using an implement or tieing that person compelely to the bed. Experiment with your words play to see how degradation, humiliation, and belittling feel. Some will really enjoy this aspect of the interaction, others will not. This is a time where each is learning some of the limits.

Over time, you will find that you can expand your scope. There are many fetishes which really excite some members of our community. They are open for exploration if so desired. Other alternative lifestyles such as swinging and group activites also can be added they are of interest. Determine what sexual activites you like and discuss these with your partner. This is a simple way to expand your sexual horizons.

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Doms and subs are following their inner desires. That is what makes the lifestyle so exciting for each of these individuals. The D/s or M/s relationship is predicated upon each person having these desires fulfilled. A sub seeks to provide her Dom with pleasure. At the same time, a Dom desires to control.

The area of sex is the ideal place to see each of these fulfilled. When a couple enters into the realm of bondage, this is where each is satisified at the most primal level. The act of tieing a sub up creates a streak of power within a Dom. This single act puts in the physical form his total control. He instantly knows that He is in control. A sub also knows that her power is completely removed. She has given it all to Him.

Of course, in the D/s or in a M/s scene, the bondage arena usually facilitates the use of safe words. The sub can call the entire scene off if she is uncomfortable. A slave in a relationship typically does not enjoy this same luxury. Her Master is the One who determines how far He is willing to take her based upon His understanding of her limits. In either case, the sub is to be used for her Master’s sexual pleasure. This is the basis of bondage.

How many of you have imaged what it would be like to be tied up and defenseless against another? In talking with many subs/slaves, I find this is one of the most exciting aspects of the sexual relations. To be used sexually hits us at such a primal level. There is little which compares to it.

As always, safety is highest on the list. Yet, once that precaution is honored, there really are few limits that O/one encounters. Biding one in positions which allows her to be used thoroughly is what both parties seek. This is a payoff for entering the BDSM arena. It is a way of life in which sexual experimentation is encouraged. Deviance from the average is the norm for us. The satisfaction is intense.

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What is the difference between a Master/slave and a Dom/sub relationship?

This is something that seems to stir debate among the BDSM community. Of course, the answer to this varies depending upon who is spoken to. Basically, the way I see it, the main difference deals with control. One is absolute while the other allows the bottom to retain a degree of control. Also, the areas affected differ between the two relationships.

To start, understand that all M/s relationships fall under the classification of D/s but all D/s are not M/s. To take it a bit further, a Master is a Dom while a slave is a sub. An analogy is that all fathers are men but not all men are fathers. Just because one chooses to be a sub does not mean that she is willing to go to the lengths that a slave does.

A M/s relationship centers around the total exchange of power. It is absolute in this manner. All control is in the hands of the Master. The slave cedes all decisions over any area of her life. It is complete. On the other hand, a sub may only give up control in a certain area such as sexually. In this scenario, her Dom has all say over that area yet other aspects of her life are still hers. Depending upon the relationship, a sub may also be able to say “no” to her Dom. There might be a limit that she can stop at. A slave forgoes this luxury with that decision residing in the hands of her Master.

Obviously, there are a lot more people who would be termed “subs” when compared to the number who are “slaves”. Neither one is better than the other. It simply is the following of internal desires that stem from one’s core. In each istuation , that person is submitting to the level that is appropriate for her.

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Many have this desire: they would love nothing better than to be involved with a group of people in a wild sexual free-for-all. Like most fantasies, this is available in the BDSM world. If O/one is willing to let go of social conditioning, the world is at Y/your doorstep. The situation of settling is available to A/all who seek it.

For me, I have found this lifestyle to be a freeing experience. While that would seem contradictary, it is not. The BDSM lifestyle tends to go against the social norms. This is what sets it free as opposed to conforming. The orgy is a prime example of this rejecting of what society promotes.

Monogamy is the tool used by society. The marriage is the institution by which a society survives. It is within this framework that the family unit is formed. This is the foundation for it. The concept of free sex with multiple partners is discouraged. Those who engage in the practice are looked down upon. Society has a variety of terms used to describe these people-and none of them are endearing.

The BDSM environment is made up of a variety of people. There are plenty of facets for O/one to explore. Not all involved in this way of life are swingers or into group sex. Many are into monogomous relationships with a “leather” twist. However, there are many who are also open to the wild side of the lifestyle. It is a matter of availing Y/yourself to the deisres within and getting with those who want to share similar experiences.

When engaging in a BDSM orgy, it is important that there be a level of trust among all participants, Unlike regular orgies, it is best if strangers not be invovled. Safety, as always, is a primary concern. The subs are in a vulnerable position, especially if the setting is a dungeon scene complete with all the furniture. While they are open to being used sexually by many and be worked on by the same people, few will want to deal with an inexperienced person. Repecting limits is difficult when an overzealous person is invovled.

Entertaining our sexual side is one of the benefits of the BDSM experinece. This way of life allows O/ones mind to drift into a realm which previously was considered only fantasy. However, in this lifestyle, the fantasies have a way of becoming reality. It is all available if Y/you seek it.

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What part do sexual fantasies play in the M/s relationship? This is an interesting question to consider. I have found that many who are involved in this lifestyle arent here because of the sexual aspect of the relationship. Sure, sex is part of the deal. However, it is not the largest part.

To begin, I noticed that most who seem to be in this lifestyle are people with a high sex drive. I do not know the correlation but that seems to be the pattern. Also, those who are living in the M/s world seem to have vivid imaginations. The fantasies which they develop are varied to say the least.

Masters seem drawn to the fact that all their sexual pleasures will be satisifed. It is one of the benefits of being a Master. Nevertheless, what about the slave’s sexual fantasies? Are they something that a Master seeks to fulfill? This will depend on the individual Master yet I would say that most want their slaves to be happy. Unlike the common misconception, most Masters who live this lifestyle are not the ogres and abusers that they are made out to be. Rather, they are loving and considerate to their slaves. So, it I am aware that one of my slaves has a particular fantasy which she would like fulfilled, I will do My best to make that happen.

Living an alternative lifestyle allows for great freedom. Sexual “deviance” is something that I love about this way of life. The normal line of thinking, especially in the U.S., does not work for Me. I like the flexibility which My choice allows. To me, this is one of the benefits of living in M/s. Thus far, I can say, most of My fantasies were fulfilled.

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