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Posts Tagged ‘trust’

Many speakof the trust that a slave needs to have for her Master before submitting.  While this is an important component, it is equally as important for a Master to be able to trust His slave.  If not, there will be problems down the road.

It is common to see people rush into an M/s relationship.  This causes future headache (heartache) since there was a lack of compatability.  However, it is also crucial for these individuals to learn how much he or she can trust the other.  This is the bedrock which the relationship will be built upon.

Is Your slave trustworthy?  Is she someone who tells the truth?  How is her character?  These are important questions that require answers.  A Master is taking on a great deal of responsibility when agreeing to accept one’s submission.  Often, that entails opening up different aspects of His life to her.  Depending upon the situation, this might include giving her passowrds, access to credit cards, or expose her to His children.  Obviously, if she is not trustworthy, a great deal of damamge can be inflicted.

Trust is a two way street.  Yet, many believe just because they are in the dominant position, that gaining insight into a slave’s worthiness is not necessary.  He mistakingly believes that He will straighten her out.  While this will happen once in a while, the old adage about sobering up a drunken horse thief is applicable.  You are still left with a horse thief.  A crooked slave is still crooked.  Consider this the next time someone is seeking to submit to You.

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I recently read something on line which peaked my interest.  This particular individual believed that a slave had no limites; not if she was a true slave.  This statement made me stand back and think.  I was perplexed how someone could come to that conclusion.  It made me re-evaluate what I believed on this matter.

Does a true slave have limits?  Her desire is to serve her Master fully.  Along the same lines, her place is to do whatever her Master desires.  Once she submits, her life is no longer her own.  With this reasoning, and up to this point, I can see how the above belief is correct.

However, there seems to be one fact that this individual was missing.  A slaves place is to do whatever her Master desires if she is capable.  This addition changes the situation a great deal.  A slave might not be able to perform certain tasks.  Of course, if it is something that she requires some training, then it might be an activity which she can learn.  Yet, there are certain things that one might not be able to do no matter what her willingness.  A Master needs to be aware of these.

Here are some examples slaves might have a tough time fulfilling if requested: dunking a basketball, performing brain surgery, rebuilding a car engine, solving mathematical equations, or translating an ancient text written in arabic.  Even those her willingness might be complete, there are challenges which might not be overcome.  Simply, the knowledge base isn’t there.

Here is another situation which is more applicable.  Often a Master will ask a slave to perform some sexual activities which she is physically unable to do.  An individual with a back issue comes to mind.  Again, the person might have all the desire to do what her Master wants.  However, physical limitations can exist.  For a Master to push her past this is irresponsible and potentially dangerous.  This is one of those situations where a Master needs to know to pull back.

So, a slave can and will have limitations.  Even thought she exchange all her power, her trust is that her Master will act responsibly.  One of the roles of a Master is to help her uncover her limits, try to push past them, and pull back when she cannot go further.

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It seems that the M/s relationsip is one where the Master is the sole recipient of all the pleasure.  Outsiders are led to believe that slaves are the ones who continually give while receiving nothing in return.  While this is how it appears, it is not the case.  In fact, the M/s relationship is one of the most mutually benficial interactions there is.

Any relationsip which is one sided will not last.  For a M/s relationsip to be successful, both parties need to receive.  This seems odd when one views it with unfamilar eyes.  However, slaves have a deep inner desire to serve.  This is something which gives them great fulfillment when allowed to serve.

Also, there is the inbred human characteristic in which all people enjoy the growth process.  We intuitively want to become more.  Growing is what allows us to do that.  A Master who focuses on the growth of His slave will keep her happy and content.  It is those who overlook this vital part of the process who end up with destroyed relationships.  A slave who is growing is usually one who is fulfilled and content.

Remember how important the happiness of both parties is in any relationship.  This will improve the chances of success.

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The approach to the M/s world seems to make people do things which they normally would not.  It seems what is commonsense goes out the window when one is seeking to get with a Master.  In the last post, we mentioned how trust is the foundation for all successful M/s relationships.  In fact, it is the basis for all effective relationships.

I often see new people come into this lifestyle like that had no social skills whatsoever.  For whatever reason, they seem to believe that the concepts which were applicable in the traditional world do not apply here.  This is evident in their rapid submission without thought of who they are submitting to.  They really have no idea whether they are compatible with that Master or not.  To them, the idea is to be owned as quickly as they can.  This usually results in the relationship not advancing very far.

So where does one begin to base her trust?  I feel that it is important to determine the experience of the individual who you might submit to.  How long are they involved in the lifestyle.  Also, how many slaves have they owned.  The answers to these questions will let you know what you can expect.  This lifestyle is different from the normal way of life, so much so that experience counts for a lot.  Does this person have the experience that you can trust in?  If so, there is something to begin building on.

Another area to look is at the individual’s willingness to grow.  No one person has all the answers.  Everyday, I learn something new about this lifestyle even after more than a decade.  Masters can always find a better way to do something in their relationship.  It might be regarding leadership, punishments, or psychology.  Anyone who proclaims to have all the answers is usually One to avoid.  Those who are willing to invest the effort to grow themselves are worthy of trust,

Finally, monitor how often this person keeps His word.  The old adage “let your word be your bond” is trus.  If One does what He says He is going to do, that is the basis of generating trust.  Even though there is a total power exchange, the common rules for relationships still exists.  Would you date someone who was a liar or constantly misled you in the vanilla world.  Most likely not.  Well, the same holds true here.  Give your trust to someone who is trustworthy.  People are trustworthy if they do the deeds which breed trust.  Apply this simple test to anyone who you are dealing with.

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I recently got an email from a woman who is a sub.  She is new to the life and is exploring exactly where she fits in.  She mentioned to me that she was always looking to please her partners in all her past relationships (which were traditional).  However, they always felt smothered by her needing to please them.  Nevertheless, after doing a bit of research she concluded that she is definitely a sub(she is not sure yet if she is a slave).  The reason for her inquiry to me is that she was approached by a number of me (online) seeking to Dom her.  What was interesting was that none of these people wanted to take the time to let a relationship develop.

It is important to remember that trust is the foundation of all success M/s relationships.  Without it, the interaction between the two will be guarded.  A truly effective relationship is where both individuals can give without reservation.  Trust is the bridge that allows this to happen.  Unfortunately, it is something that cannot be rushed.  It can only develop through the repeated interaction with each other.  Time is the one factor which will build trust.

People enter into relationships with all kind of experiences.  Most of us have suffered the heartache that comes with dating.  There are relationships which go sour no matter what the intentions are.  After a while, we become guarded in our willingness to freely give ourselve; at least initially.  This seems to be human nature and not particiular to any one type of individual.  We simply become “gunshy” if you will.

Taking the time to get to know a Master or slave will enusre that trust develops.  This can be done both online and in person.  Even in those situations where I have an online relationship, I like to speak with her on the phone.  There is a connection which comes from hearing someone’s voice.  Of course, as the relationship develops, we move closer together.  This is a result of each of us trusting the other.

So how does it start?  I have found that the experience and willingness of the other is vital.  If one is dealing with a Master, what is His experience in the lifestyle.  Those who were around a while with the background in owning slaves will garner trust easier than One who is inexpereinced.  Also, if One has the willingness to learn, this can compensate for a lot.  The same goes when dealing with a slave.  Experience and willingness are the two areas where trust can be built up.  Of course, the basic values of honesty, integrity, and keeping your word equally impact the amount of trust one receives.

Monitor how quickly you are trusting someone when entering into a M/s relationship.  Utilize the same tools which led to success in relationships in other areas of your life.  This is a basic building block in the effectiveness of your relationship.  To discount it will have negative consequences.

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In our never ending quest to stamp out the fakes, we move on to another warning sign which might alert one she is dealing with a pretender. All healthy relationships are built around trust. Without the trust of both parties for the other, there will be issues with their interaction. Of course, the deeper the relationship, the greater the trust needs to be. The M/s relationship is no different. Trust is at the foundation of all success stories.

When one first enters into a relationship with a Master, the trust level is new and uncertain. However, as time passes, this trust will grow as one gets to know her Master better. If it does not, that is something that one needs to take a look at. Why do you find that your level of trust is not growing? Or worse, why is your level of distrust increasing? The answers might offer you tremendous insight into what you are dealing with.

There are times where a slave’s trust fails to increase because she lacks the ability to trust. Past experiences teach her that she is better off withholding it. This obviously is something that she needs to work through with the help of her Master. It is best to take this issue to Him for His input. This is another area where His response will tell plenty. A true Master will understand a slave’s hesitation, especially if she shared her background and why it is so hard for her to give it. However, the fake will have a different approach. His response will be somewhat indignant that you don’t trust Him. He will be offended that you are questioning His ability to own. Instead of understanding, you will be met with resistance.

Consistency is another area which breeds trust. Do you find the One you are dealing with is inconsistent in what He says? Is there a great deal of secrecy about His past? Does He deflect important questions by quickly changing the subject? These are all activities which should alert you to something being amiss. This person is not concerned with building your trust, but, rather, keeping the truth hidden.

A true Master wants His relationship to be built upon trust and security. The first step in that process is to help a slave find those within her. He will want her to develop into someone who can trust herself and is secure in her decisions. Then, He is concerned about the trust and security of the relationship. Masters know these qualities take time to develop. He is also aware that there are deeper levels which the relationship will go to if He continues to do those things which foster it. A fake will do none of this. Again, maintaining the lies is his concern.

So if you find yourself not trusting who you are talking to; pay attention to that. Try to find the inconsistencies in what He is doing. This is really important if you are dealing with someone online. Read all you can that person posted. Chat with others to find their impression of them. Listen to for sharing about experience as opposed to theory. Anyone can read about this lifestyle; living it is vastly different. Those of us who have been in it for a while have our success stories and also our failures. A true Master is not afraid to share both with His slave.

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It is my experience that submission is a process that one goes through.  While I witnessed some slaves giving control over to their Masters rather quickly, it still was not a complete.  Human nature dictates that the process will take a bit of time.

There appears to be many layers to submitting.  It is possible to consciously choose this way of life, select a Master one trusts, submit, yet hold something back.  In these situations, the slave herself is usually not aware of which areas she is leery of.  To give complete and absolute control over is a tremendous step.  The mind, body, and spirit all need to be in alignment with this decision.  Sometimes, one will resist for a period of time.

Social conditioning is such that we are taught that control is what we are to seek.  This idea is programmed in us at a subconscious level through repetition.  A slave was exposed to the same type of conditioning.  Thus, when she first enters into a M/s relationship, she is apt to give of herself in her mind.  This is the first level.  She believes this situation “feels” right to her.

She also can have the elation within her that comes from this decision.  The concept of “being home” hits many at this point.  However, does this mean that one fully submitted to her One?  Not usually since resistance areas will arise.  These are those particular things which a slave just won’t give up immediately.  It might be a belief, an idea, a particular area of concern, etc…  This is not a reflection on her as much as a common trait among humans.

Patience is a way to overcome these obstacles.  A slave who truly desire to submit to her Master will give up all that she is holding on to: in due time.  As her trust and confidence grows, her level of submission will deepen.  Many slaves have confidence issues that play into the belief of sub-level control.  As a Master increases His slave’s esteem through training, He will notice the process of letting go becomes easier.  Fearful people do irrational things.  The conscious says one thing while the subconscious says another.

Try to consider this when You encounter a slave who is seemingly contradicting herself.  Trust her when she says that she is submitting to you fully.  She has that desire; just she lacks that capability in that moment.  Work on her confidence and trust to see this situation change.

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