Being A Good Listener

The basic nature of the Master/slave relationship makes it easy for a Master to forget to listen to what His slave is saying. With the total exchange of power, all decisions lie in the hands of the One. However, as mentioned in other posts, communication is central to the success of the M/s relationship. The most vital key to effective communication is listening.

I have seen many Masters who are dictatorial in their manner. They believe that their best mode to communicate is to give stern orders. Their interaction resembles that of a drill sergeant during boot camp. The communication process is a one-way street. Orders are barked out and expected to be followed. They fail to consider the slave’s point of view since she is not allowed to express anything.

Masters are human. It is impossible for anyone to be correct all the time. There are instances where a Master’s viewpoint might be off. In these situations, it is wise to listen to the input of the slave. This process can help avoid a serious mistake. Even though a well trained slave will follow without question, there are instances where she can be jeopardized if the Master is not fully attentive. Listening will uncover these moments.

I give my slaves the freedom to ask questions and offer suggestions at certain times. Of course, there is a way they are to approach the situation in terms of respect and their place in the relationship. However, I often have found their viewpoints to be helpful. A slave will see things differently than her Master. This is really apparent when a couple of slaves are together talking. How they view the world carries a totally different meaning. Masters are well served to tap into this resource.

Finally, as my regular readers know, a happy slave is a good slave. Often, much of a slave’s displeasure is the need to express how she feels to her Master. This will not change the situation, nor the action that she takes. However, there are times that she just needs to be heard. The venting process is part of the human condition, one which does not leave with submission. Allowing her to go through this will alleviate bigger problems in the future.

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Slaves Making Choices

When a slave submits to her Master, she gives herself mind, body and spirit. All freedoms and rights are removed except for those granted by her Master. This is one of the main premises of this lifestyle. However, does that mean that slaves are not suppose to make choices? Where does the decision making process cease to exist or what part does it play in a slave’s life?

A Master obviously will take over the decision making for a slave. This is apparent to anyone who gets involved in the lifestyle. Yet, part of the value in a slave lies in her ability to get things handled on behalf of her Master. A slave who has to be baby sat can become a tremendous burden on a Master. Ideally, a slave should be able to grow into her role over time.

Training a slave to be able to think of how her Master would want things to be is a valuable concept to implement. A slave’s value increases drastically when she is able to decipher what her Master would want done in each situation without the intervention of her Master. This allows Him to focus His attention in other areas. It is a natural process for a slave to pick up on the likes/dislikes of Master as time passes. However, this will not occur if she is not given the freedom to do this.

I have seen many Masters completely smother their slaves. They feel that they are maintaining control by removing all decisions from the slaves. This seems backwards to me. I found it better to encourage my slaves to learn about my tendencies and to progress in being able to decide for themselves what is best in each situation. Of course, they are taught that the decisions they make are done with what is best for me. It takes some effort to break them of the natural tendency to make a decision based upon themselves.

This Master is a firm believer that increasing a slave’s value is at the core of my responsibility. To allow her abilities to languish and die is not in my best interest. I want to maximize the use of all my assets.

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Don’t Advertise

The exuberance that a slave exhibits when she realizes what she truly is can be a wonderful thing to witness. However, this can often create problems if that is not harnessed. I have seen more than one slave put in a potentially dangerous situation by expressing her newfound lifestyle.

It reminds me of a slave which I had a number of years ago. Her submission to me was a move which connected her with her true inner desires. A woman in her late 30s, she had traveled the road of the traditional relationship only to find unhappiness. As many have found, she was instantly elated at her submission.

It is important to remember there are many people who do not understand our lifestyle. They believe that one who submits is weak and was created to be abused. Naturally, the knowledge of a slave’s submission in the wrong hands is a dangerous thing.

The slave previously mentioned was at a hockey game one night without Me. She had tickets to take one of her kids who ended sitting with some of his friends in another section. During the game, we were talking on the phone. The conversation centered around her servitude to me. Next to her were two males drinking and passing comments. In a flash, she turned to one of them to tell him that she was an owned slave; talking to her Master. When I heard this, I was immediately struck with fear. This is a scene which could end up very badly.

Without going into details, she was harassed throughout the game by the men, called all kinds of things. They mentioned how they would “own” her. After the game ended, she was followed by these individuals into the parking lot. Fortunately, she found a security guard to escort her to the car. This avoided a potentially dangerous outcome.

This story shows how it is best to mention one’s submission only to those who will understand. The misconception out there is paramount. I always tell my slaves to mention their service only if it can be helpful to another who is searching. Other than that, it is best to not mention it to anyone else.

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Frustration

Frustration is a part of everyone’s life at different times. The Master/slave relationship is not exempt from the trials and tribulations of life itself. People can become very frustrated at times and that can come out when dealing with another in this type of situation.

Emotional mastery is a key component to overcoming some of these challenges. We are better able to deal with others when we are able to control or change our emotional states. However, this will not alleviate all the problems that one encounters.

As with anything, communication seems to be the key. There is no way to replace the open dialog for ensuring the success of a relationship. Even in one where this is a total power exchange, expressing one’s dissatisfactions is important. Many times, the other party is completely unaware of what is lacking. It is easy for life circumstances to garner one’s attention; adversely affecting the other person.

This often occurs when slave’s get frustrated over the training one receives. I was guilty over the years of not providing the proper attention to a particular slave while focusing on other events in my life. There are times when life circumstances get difficult and require attention. It is important to communicate what is going on with the other person. Frustration can mount over the feeling of being overlooked.

Try to keep in mind that frustration is a part of the human experience which must be dealt with. The desire to run can be great at these times. Resist this temptation while focusing on what needs to be done.

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Worth

One of the biggest fears that I hear slaves utter is that they will not be good enough for their Masters. It is a response that is a result of low self esteem. The biggest battle they wage is that they will be a disappointment.

Whenever I enter into a M/s relationship, I make sure that the slave realizes she has one priority: obedience. Everything she is judged is based upon that. A slave who is thoroughly following direction is one who is adhering to the wishes of her Master. Even in those situations where there is a shortcoming, the effort exerted determines how obedient she is.

Slaves are human. Mistakes are a part of the human experience. They are also tools which are invaluable at teaching us lessons. As a Master, I have come to expect mistakes on the part of my slaves. When they occur, it is important to emphasize the lesson while moving forward. Punishment only becomes necessary when the same mistake is made repeatedly. This shows an unwillingness to learn; a situation which needs to be overcome.

A slave’s worth is determined entirely by her Master. That is the basic problem with a slave trying to be worthy or not. She is incapable of doing that. It is her Master who decides exactly how she is most effective. If she is obediently following His desires, then she is fulfilling her part. The Master is responsible for training her to be able to fulfill those wishes. Through the growth process, the slave will be able to handle greater assignments.

A slave who truly desires to serve will have the worth needed to satisfy her Master. Listening to His directives will provide the slave with the necessary guidance she needs to perform as that Master sees fit. It is only the value that He sees in a slave which matters.

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Overcoming The Fear In The Mind

The desire to submit is something that comes from deep within a slave. This is not a conclusion which was arrived at intellectually. One’s need to serve is a trait that is beyond explanation. Those who fail to have this quality about them cannot comprehend why anyone would want to live their life in this manner. Of course, one slave understands another without a word spoken about it.

Even after one submits, there is often a period where the mind will try to sabotage what is occurring. In sales, it is taught that people buy emotionally then justify logically. This is also true when approaching this lifestyle. A slave often gets so emotionally charged at having found her “answer” that she goes with it. However, after a short period of time, the mind jumps in saying “what have you done”. New people really fall into this trap.

This is the moment where a Master will encounter a great deal of resistance. The desire to run is extraordinary at this moment. A slave will begin to think that she is not cut out for this way of life. Her mind will do all it can to override the feelings within. What is really occurring is that the slave is trying to justify her decision with logic. This is a script for her to pull back. Again, much of the life we lead is not explainable in rational terms. It is the feeling that dictates the choices we make.

How do we go about getting a slave past this? The easiest way I found it to put her back in touch with those feelings which were running through her the day she submitted. Get her to feel the intensity behind her need to serve. Often, she will still trust her Master yet the fear is hitting her full force. Try to remove it by reassuring her that it will be alright. Many have faced similar questions only to later become wonderful slaves. A great deal of “hand-holding” is necessary at this time. However, the payoff is well worth it.

Remember, the decision to join this way of life was not made in the mind. It was done at a deeper level and a Master must continually strive to take His slave back to that place.

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Master’s Mindset

A Master/slave relationship tends to go with the mindset of the Master. Many who enter this lifestyle fail to take this into consideration. For a relationship of this type to be successful, the Master needs to have clarity and conciseness in His thoughts. This is why emotional mastery is one of the most important qualities of an effective Master.

Slaves, by their very nature, bring an assortment of insecurities and uncertainties. They are consistently seeking direction from their Masters. This is most true in the beginning. Fear is an ever present companion of a slave. If a Master is equally uncertain, this will negatively affect the slave(s).

A Master’s mental makeup is a stabilizing force in a slave’s life. Everyone has life issues to deal with. Also, there are times where circumstances can get the better of us. Masters are not exempt from this. Even in the Master/slave lifestyle, life is still present. It is best if a Master has a way of dealing with those times of overwhelm. Taking problems to His slave will cause a loss of trust by her. While she will want to help, she will see the quiver in her foundation.

Growth for both people is the most important aspect of the M/s relationship. Often I see Masters fail to enrich themselves thereby creating insecurities within the relationship. Constant increase in knowledge and ability is what allows Masters to move their slaves to overcome limitations. However, stagnation on the part of the Master will inevitably stop a slave’s progress.

Pay attention to where you are at mentally and emotionally if you are a Master. Constantly handling the problems of slaves can get overwhelming at times. Sadly, this sneaks up on One without much warning. Have a procedure in place to keep yourself mentally fit. Your relationship will be the beneficiary of it.

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Being Committed To The Lifestyle

The first decision one must making is to decide whether the M/s lifestyle is something for that person. Too often, people try to decide if they want this only after getting involved with another. To me, that seems like trying to decide if one wants to be married by getting married.

Another interesting occurrence takes place after one decides to be part of this lifestyle: there are temptations to leave it. When looking at the percentages, it is only a small fraction of the population that is interested in living this way of life. Typically, one meets someone who is outside the lifestyle and the societal pressures begin once again. Love enters the equation with the individual believing that all is well. Happiness can result by living in a traditional realm.

Unfortunately, many of us have traveled this path multiple times. The realization that comes from going against our natural inclinations tends to be painful. It is a powerful lesson that we are taught. Personally, I left the lifestyle on 2 different occasions believing I had found happiness. Each time the consequences were the same: I was miserable. This individual simply is not cut out for the traditional model.

Remaining true to one’s decision is a rather difficult task at times. There can be periods of loneliness and frustration, especially when one is not involved with another. The solution appears in the form of someone who is genuinely interested although not into the M/s relationship. This act of settling is what starts out inner core screaming. Our natural self resists the new path that we are choosing.

Keep this in mind when the temptation arises to go into a “vanilla” relationship. While it seems on the surface the answer to what ails one, in the end, it only seems to cause more pain.

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The Importance Of Trust

Trust is a difficult quality for many to exhibit. This is further hindered if one grew up in a less than desirable background. Years of being disappointed at the broken commitments made by others causes individuals to be jaded. We tend to allow people in, but only so far.

Many got into this lifestyle with the intention of surrendering to a Master who would take care of those issues. Unfortunately, these same individuals are further hurt by getting involved with Masters who do not care. To them, this is about the fulfillment of their needs while overlooking the important aspect of developing and growing a slave.

For the M/s relationship to be successful, a slave must be able to trust her Master completely. She needs to have faith that He is capable of giving her the training she requires. He also needs to show the concern for her well being. These are the actions which built the foundation of trust.

Training is one of the most effective ways to create trust with a slave. When One spends the time with another, He is showing her that He has concern for her well being. For many slaves, this is something completely foreign to them. Their backgrounds are such that nobody seemed to take an interest in them. A Master who invests the time into His slave will quickly build a strong bond with her based upon trust.

Remember this idea to enhance the success of the M/s relationship.

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The Naturalness Of Submission

It is always wonderful to see someone tap into their inner essence of servitude. The submission process in these instances is one of the most natural things to witness. For a slave who truly belongs in this lifestyle, submitting is as effortless as breathing. There is simply no resistance when one is armed with the internal knowledge about oneself.

Why do people fight submission? Part of it stems from the negative connotation which it has in out society. Power and control are the qualities values by most cultures today. Also, service is frowned upon as done by people who are lower on the class scale. It is not something which is revered.

I will be the first to acknowledge that most people do not belong in the M/s relationship. There are only a limited few who have the natural inclination to “turn it all over”. Nevertheless, when working with one of these individuals, the process is a pleasure to watch. Typically, the submission occurs quickly and deeply. The tendency to hold back is removed.

As always, we like to stress that a bit of caution is healthy. This is true when at the stage of choosing a Master. Learning all one can about that person is part of the process before one should submit to Him/Her. Yet the inner search will reveal quickly if one is designed for this lifestyle. This newfound knowledge causes one to thirst for more. That person is finally home.

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